Personal Tech Peeves

There are a lot of things that piss me off.  Sort of comes with the territory. as you get older you become more of a curmudgeon than when you wore a younger man’s clothes. These are some of my pet peeves about the tech industry.

I will send them my thoughts, but would be shocked if anyone bothers to respond. Their pattern is usually to go into a non-response mode just like my Microsoft word documents do periodically for no particular reason other than to screw with my head.

Defaulting to Foreign Languages

Defaulting to foreign languages when logging in from overseas with no ability to change it to the language of your choice or the instructions are in the foreign language you cannot read.

 

 

 

Being overseas this a big one.  Microsoft Edge defaults to Korean and no matter how much I try to change it either to the U.S site or to change the default language options per their instructions, it just keeps defaulting to Korean,  It is as if no one at Microsoft is aware that there are millions of people traveling everywhere, and just because you log in from Korea does not make you a Korean. Probably just an automatic thing but you would think they could offer a personalized language option?

Google for the most part lets me surf in the language I chose and only occasionally do I encounter only Korean language material, and they offer to translate it using English words.  Microsoft would provide an offer to translate it but only in the local language.

I wish that they could simply come up with a simple standard protocol. When someone logs in from a non-English speaking zone the first time, the computer will sense that and give you an option to proceed in whichever language you want and then remember that so the next time you can interact in the language of your choice.  And the language button will be labeled in English and the same spot every time.

Could not be too difficult a task to accomplish.  If Google does it then the other tech giants will follow suit.

It is time that they realize in a global world not everyone uses the language of that particular country and defaulting to a foreign language is incredibly annoying.

A related issue is that so many Korean-based programs do not interact with non-Korean-based programs.  We finally had to set up an old computer and load it with Korean software so we can get things done.  Otherwise, forget it.

Norton Blues

Norton is particularly bad at this.  It seems that it treats all non-English programs as malware and prevents you from running the program.  That is why we had to set up a Norton-free computer to do our day-to-day activities in Korea. Thanks, Norton!

 

 

Norton also has an annoying feature of occasionally for no reason flagging sites as suspicious making you go to all sorts of hoops to prove that the program is legit!  I had an issue with my web page= Norton flagged it as dangerous. I check with Word press whose attitude was well that was just Norton’s problem and everything is fine on their end.  I complained to Norton and am waiting for a response, well the problem seems to have resolved itself.

Buggy software

A related issue is that Microsoft products are still bug-ridden after decades of use you would think they would have worked out the bugs.

Constant crashing

Microsoft constantly crashes for no particular reason. Just freezes up and crashes losing whatever you did not save.

 

 

 

 

Once I did a thought exercise.  I noted how often I ran into problems and found out that 60% of the time I encountered a problem, usually the typical freeze, and goes into a nonresponse mode that can last from ten seconds to five minutes.  I sent my findings to Microsoft and of course, no one ever followed up.

No response blues

Excel Errors Drove me Mad

As mentioned this is the most common problem but there are many others.  I had to shift from Excell to Google documents because Excell would freak out if you tried to copy a non-excel item giving you a typical nonessential error message

Can’t load more fonts”

Then it give you an option yes/no then it would repeat the message. Once I clicked 250 times before it finally crashed my computer.  I went online for help and of course, there was nothing and no one cared.  I sent them a Good by Excel email and no one followed up.

I have not had any problems with google documents.

Copy and paste defaults to the last copied item

One of my pet peeves is the copy and paste defaults to the last copied item. Sometimes you have to repeat the operation several times before it goes through.

Internal search engine sucks

Microsoft’s internal document search engine is a joke. 90 percent of the time it presents garbage search results.  One Drive is a bit better but that is not saying much.

While searching for a document one often encounters a reference to an open dialogue box that you have to close the only problem is that the open dialogue box is hidden!

Usually, if you keep clicking it eventually relents and presents you with false positives.

This is just so annoying a feature.

Can’t Open Documents

Sometimes for reasons only a computer understands, my taskbar where I am supposed to be able to easily open documents just quits working.  It often will half-open a document then crash and kick me out. Usually takes a few tries, once it took over 50 tries before it finally started working.

 

 

 

Sometimes though it randomly opens a wrong document or it opens the document and then does the non-response dance.  and then you need to reboot in hopes of getting a stable connection.

Other times I can only open a copy of the document and then re-save it under a new name.

At times when that happens sometimes, you can save the document as is, other times it says you can’t save an open document.

There is one annoying thing that Microsoft used to do all the time but quit doing for some reason.  It used to be that when you logged in other than your usual location or did not have the internet turned on for some reason, Microsoft would send you a message saying that they could not verify that you are using a legitimate copy of Microsoft and you would have to log in to continue working.

Number lock Locks Up at Random moments

Sometimes the number lock goes on without warning and you think you typing, for example, to the end and you end up typing numbers like 66666666666.  Or you try typing and you get numbers instead.  Then you have to hit Num locks to unlock it.  Appears to just happen on a random basis.

Dictation Program much Improved but still clunky

The dictation program is now about 90 percent accurate up from 10 percent when they first rolled it out

Used to provide a lot of fodder for found poems.  Now not so much. See some of my dictation trial poems below.  I once tried to dictate a list of music I had gotten out of the library,  I found there was a 95% error rate. I shared my findings with Microsoft but they never responded to my snarky message congratulating them on their 95% error rate..

Editor Much Improved

The editor is much improved, and read out loud fuction is much better  but still needs improvements

 

One thing they could do is to tweak the repeated word error, so you can simply turn off that feature if you wish.

Customer Service is a Joke

In my experience, Word Press, and duotrope is the best at customer service.  Norton so so, Microsoft and Apple are pretty bad too.

They all play the same blame game.  It is not our problem contact the other company which turns around and says it is not our problem.

You have to wait for a long time to get a customer service rep either on the phone or via chat line.  I found the chat line feature tends to work better.  Not to mention you get a record for future encounters.

 

If I am calling a US-based number I have to time it for the middle of the night my time if I wish to reach a human being.

 

Microsoft has a feature where you can send a frown or a smile and although they offer to follow up, they never do.  Once I tried to look at their forum of issues submitted but the site did not work so I gave up.  I wonder if anyone reads any of these complaints?

 

Haiku-like error messages

The error messages we receive are often written in a strange haiku-like code that does not make sense.  For example, WTF is a fatal disk error?

So many of the error messages are written for computer geeks and make no sense to nongeeks.  My favorite has always been

General failure reading disk drive

Which flashes a moment, before shutting down the computer.

And the rest of equally mysterious. Sometimes referring to a computer error code and sometimes just gibberish.

And occasionally I get the blue screen of death followed by an ominous warning that I have no boot disk.  Providing a number to call for help. But every time that happens, I reboot and things are fine until the next blue screen of death incident.

Sometimes, it flashes when opening

“can’t read reference memory”

then crashes.

Rebooting the computer solves 95% of all computer problems according to a tech guy I knew years ago who confessed that no one understands why things don’t work. He said that there are millions of lines of code and once in a while something gets corrupted. Rebooting typically solves the problem.

Netflix needs to always include subtitles

Netflix at least in Korea has an impressive line of K Drama.  Many of them have a preview with subtitles but when you go to the dram you find it is only in Korea.  At the very least they are guilty of bait and switch tactics.

It seems to me that they should as a matter of course require all their programming to have English language subtitles.  And Korean producers should see that this is a great opportunity to grow a global audience for K drama and is a small cost to pay.  I am writing to Netflix on this issue separately.

Grammarly program randomly fixates on a word and you can’t fix it or change it

 

Grammarly sometimes gets fixated on a word. You can’t get to it to change it as it just kicks you back out.  Very frustrating when it happens and it seems to just happen on a random basis.

Tracking everything we do

Enough said on this one.

Finally, if anyone wants to chime in with their pet peeves please do so and I will incorporate them in a future posting.

 

Note to Microsoft  one year ago

Tried to get the new dictation program to work and gave up, scheduled a service call Sunday with detailed feedback.  Also, send Microsoft my Microsoft sucks document.

Felt good to get it off my chest.  The problem with Microsoft is the same problem most big companies have, they have lousy customer service and they put out shoddy products and don’t worry about the competition until they get their asses whopped by someone who pays attention to the customers and put out a superior product at a better price and cares that their products work as advertised every single time.  Microsoft, they are so focused on the latest thing they don’t go back and fix the bugs in their everyday products.  And they ignore customer complaints.

What a contrast with word press and with doutrope. Both have superior customer service and I love the products because they fix my issue quickly, professionally, and with kindness.

The one-time Microsoft commented it was a snarky dude focusing on one problem at a time and we don’t have time to dig into your complaints.

 

Microsoft Why I left You   I am writing to let you know why after years of putting up with shoddy software that does not work I finally have pretty much given up expecting Microsoft to work, and have given up on Microsoft for good.  I have been using Microsoft word daily since about 1990 or so. I retired in 2016 from the Department of State as a foreign service officer.  Since retirement, I have been blogging and writing poetry and fiction.  Up until six months ago I was writing my work using Microsoft word and keeping track of my submissions in Excel.  I finally gave up on both products after years of frustration. I will keep my subscription for now because I do need to have access to my documents and I do need to be able to submit the documents for publication in Microsoft Word format. I have sent many of my observations and complaints to Microsoft over the years but no one has ever bothered to follow up and your customer service is a nightmare.  Every time I call them they have not been able to answer my problems and generally make things worse. The basic problem is that your software has too many bugs and doesn’t work I’ll just give you a specific example or two. 50% error rate Un-acceptable One week about a year ago after being frustrated that Microsoft word would frequently crash causing me to lose my work, I kept track of all errors for one week and concluded that about 50% of the time when I was using Microsoft Word or Excel I encountered some kind of error usually just a temporarily “not responding” error that cleared up in a few seconds, but often the software would crash requiring me to either reload it or sometimes reboot my computer. Opening Microsoft in the morning if I had to reboot my computer would sometimes require me to wait 30 minutes before I could open Microsoft and often I would have 20 or 30 different versions of Microsoft opened accidentally while I was trying to open it. Then I would have to manually close every single document and each time I did that I would get a temporary response error so many days it would take 30 minutes or so before I could get into my documents and get to work.  This is unacceptable. Apple, Google Docs Always Work Contrast this with “Apple pages” which I’ve started using for about six months. It opens every single time and I have yet to have a non-responsive error and never had any problems with it.  It does what it is supposed to do and does it perfectly. It allows me to save documents to word and it opens word documents.  Microsoft word of course does not allow me to open a document created in Pages. It does allow me to open a document created in Google docs though.   Excel Destroyed my Documents – For No Reason, I Can understand I had to give up on Excel as well.  About six months ago for some reason that I’ve never been able to figure out,  Excel started to give me an error message every single time I tried to copy data into it from another program When I did that I got an error message saying that there were “too many fonts” being used and then I had the option of clicking OK and hoping that that would stop the error message.  usually, I had to click Okay many times before it cleared up. One time I had to click the okay message four hundred times before it would clear and let me get back to my work. Excel would often just refuse to save any documents whatsoever and then I would have to reboot my computer and lose my data. Tech Support Was Not Helpful I contacted Microsoft repeatedly and nobody ever bothered to return a message your online help function was useless and your automated chatbot never was able to figure out what I was talking about.  I did not call customer support because I figure it would have been a useless waste of time. I even uninstalled and reinstalled the software and the error message continued. I shifted to Google Docs and it is working wonderfully. Rarely have a problem.  and the font issue was never an issue. Dictation Program  Produces Great Found Poetry   Finally, your dictation program has never worked. I am using the Apple dictation program to write this letter it has a 95% success rate Microsoft dictation had a 25% success rate most of the time they produce gibberish. I did use that to create several found poems which I called Microsoft dictation poems. I sent poems to Microsoft but again nobody has ever responded. I did call when I first installed the dictation program.  Nothing worked.  Microsoft tech support could not figure out that the problem was that the dictation program did not work with the internal speaker of a laptop. They told me to reformat my hard drive. I went to Best Buy and they told me that it does not work with a laptop and sold me an external microphone.  I bought an external speaker and then it worked but only 25% of the time did I get a clean copy, 75% of the time it produced gibberish. To end on a positive note, your speech-to-text function did not work for a long time then one day it started working, and once it started working, there was a 90% success rate.  This gives me hope that one day you will get the dictation program to work. My plea to you sir is to get your software to work 95% of the time every single time I know that this may not be glamorous and I know this may not be seen as the direction of the company but I know that my experience is not unique and that most of your customers are very frustrated with your products and that is why more and more people are using products as such as Google Docs or Apple products because Microsoft word and excel just don’t work.  Please fix your Microsoft office suite products  - a 50% error rate it’s just not acceptable. I would be happy to follow up with anyone from Microsoft if they wish to talk to me about this but I do not think anybody will bother to respond I will post this on my blog, https://the world accordingtoCosmos.com I hope that you will take this constructive criticism into account and fix Microsoft office once and for all thank you Jake Cosmos Aller Ex-Microsoft customer Computer Blues (revised) Sometimes I think My computer is plotting against me And only me Trying deliberately to drive me mad. My computer knows when I am busy Then it throws A hissy fit. Refuses to boot up, and crashes constantly. Loses data it had the day before. Or five minutes before, Or refuses to save the data. Just fucks with me As it loves toying with me Making me yell and scream At my damn computer screen Cursing up a blue stream of blue curses As the blue screen of death Marches across the dark blue screen Smiling at me As I beg it To do what it is supposed to do Just once I beg it Do what you Are supposed to do Open the document once Not twenty times Do “Not respond” Endless spinning blue wheels. In endless loops of opening Not responding refusing to close Until I respond to the error code. Please Mr. Computer Quit playing games Play my music, don’t wipe out the sound On the fifth attempt to play music Don’t take a half-hour to load Microsoft products Don’t freeze up on opening music programs Don’t give me computer haiku error messages That only makes sense to a computer geek. Such as general error reading files Who the ***** is this damn general And why is NSA reading my files? Or can’t save the file Or can’t save the  “An open file” When it just did ten times in a role, Or kicks me out, while losing my data. And in Microsoft excel Refusing to move the cursor Just freezing in place for a moment Before kicking me out. Excell had a problem Copying data from other sources Generating an error message About not being able to load fonts Then asking you to say okay Then kicking you out Once I did that 200 times I finally ditched Excel And moved to Google Docs. And all the other gobbledygook messages That pops up every five minutes it seems As the computer slowly drives me mad Flashing the final insult User-driven mad Mission accomplished. Note:   Microsoft dictation program does not work as advertised. Not a surprise. After six months of daily trials, it still spews forth mostly gibberish which I have turned into “found poems” with minimal editing, just breaking it into stanzas.   This is the latest one, I have lots more, and can send them to you if you are interested.  I included the clear text and the found text after the poem.  EndNote Microsoft Dictation trials Found Poem Three Inspection Report Inspection report meeting went well met with him only at age six G P silver in the damage has shown her the news from the rear and as well as shown for the termite damage. In the termite go we had been a UGS the basic questions of morality and using this statement denying them the answer most questions afterward we went outside to take a picture although the front porch into I noticed there was something very strange looking at the front porch the pedestal on the front porch were quoted so he headed from facing the street and in from the street station house the fed is still on riding his meaning to the eye and that has left his leading to the left we noticed there were cracks in the forge: long the foliage including the crack on in the front door we also know is that the doors are at opening in the awkward men we also noticed a big crowd on the right side of the house on in the mist airways to the right baseline we took a look at the souls in 141571413 1415 that this is an old event in 1413 left as to his meeting in Ford’s 111415 in the right one is even for now we suspect that using serious settlement issue in that, the house is cracking on the house in the house is trying to balance it’s closing the porch this is just   what left in the says this is a serious issue we are sending information to a lawyer asked his advice before we can’t turn our insurance for content and Rescinded the new we will go to the court has to figure out the procedures for the deal against the key man this evening I hope to do some writing style dictation Poem Four Green Tree Death Green tree is in the Kingstown Property in Alexandria with her mother and are tended to by Jeff my mother on the wall is berating jobs for some reason to handle and tell my mother to calm down as Jeff has a temper problem job is getting very angry Juppe pulls out a gun and serves the shooting of my mother the mall and should serve five or six times in the head my wife forays into a closet and Hans hoping that jobs will not find her and she wonders what would happen know that her mother in all my mother’s death and she wonders what will happen because im not there at the time and she fears Jeff shooting in the wall and that is the end of the current in that age Poem Five Telco One Telco one not until 5:00 PM had objected lack of will come back and go to some of the actor’s dinners will fix the car tomorrow and work on my appeal light work and the appeal denied me to get on the other headphones when we go to our charm on Thursday will build and Costco tomorrow dictation is working   but still funky but it will when it finally works watch and at the showboat Mr. Sunshine before taking all along that low energy back to two long flight stop dictation of up to the line Poem Six Late for Fate Had a busy productive day and Left late And got 2 Mothers’ Doctors appointment Almost an hour late For my fate Left it there and went and got my dentures Had lunch Add my brother in law   Usual Tom chat Tom Not bad Went back to get my mother And then went to him once took a nap My screen news today was interesting Kim and moon went to Beckton’s son That was very interesting to see Kim and the moon impact Kim and moon impacting son Where a lot of my eyes book and almost finished it Got some new novels out To Stephen King’s short stories and a Randy Wayne white Credimi and rim dot Florida novel those we nice and Thomas doing Also got some of my music Poem Seven Barriers Between Worlds Fall Apart One night The barriers between the various worlds Bridgetown, Narnia, Oz, Earth, Mars Anne People for my eyes only Find themselves wandering the streets Off Thorth People on the earth find themselves wondering the street Ovas And for one night only All the animals in earth wake up in can speak And they have a lot to say 24 hours of total madness All the barriers between the various dimensions break down   And then the wormhole disappears and that down overwhelms I put back to get I am With the Wizard of Oz Watching The breakdown of The dimensional barrier of time and space Afterward, I work with Glenda To try to put A permanent Magical barrier That would block the land of oz From the rest of the world But I’m afraid That the knowledge of the house has gotten out And that Too many people are gonna want to find Oz the impact of damn Packers and talking animals Continued to prepare for 8 And The world is well Poem Eight  Lost in Oz I am a friend of the shaggy man And decide to visit him following his secret directions I make it before he dies and meet up with Ausma Dorothy and the remaining parts of her party We March back to the Emerald city And I am invited to Stan’s Poem 10 On the Move On the move from an old friend of the shaggy man and I and it owns polling is seeking corrections and I’m drawing and one on one with a home run to the wizard and working and the crow and on to win their fight to save one small one from on the mission Poem 11 Ancient Rome And find me in ancient Rome I am in the imperial room And I’m being driven to the streets Annabelle again and Anna Pelican   I enjoyed my Lemper But I have many enemies And I’m free Poem 12 Transformations I am asleep And wake up Last Ash change rooms and found and I had been transformed by my evil witch Into a red Paul I wondered Should I tell Anne I found that I was in August Eventually, I met Glenda the good Dan Where is he We jump start to my original shape I am in a coma When the sun hits her ears Make me go to munch on Well I need Poem 13 Visions of New Seoul I am dreaming of a unified Korea The Unified Korean capital will be called Han Seoul Hey, would me High-speed train links Csullo Anne Canyon And in China airport   So subway will be expanded With lines on the way to the penman   No new Capitol movie build impounding   John Patrick hey, a central business district will be located In time   And a diplomatic quarter will be located in Palmer John which will be This side of the new blue house as well as the new Capitol with links to China   Poem 14 Love at First Sight The phenomenon of eight (hate) at first sight is similar to the phenomenon of London (love at first sight) for some, it is in both cases because in the prior life one had human issues with those persons and still, need to be resolved and you will be fated to meet them again and again and again I only had paid for the site (hate at first sight) once in my life when I met on balls Dr. Baden David Moran We ran into each other we hated each other and first moment when a new course he once tried to kick me out of that foreign service while acting behind my back one evil despicable evening Poem 16 alien invasion The first encounter with the aliens was when the earth was invaded by aliens were the size of children they landed and attacked everywhere and eventually, come they turn over most of the earth and fluid and the aliens were very did not treat human beings for an us for human people cannot like they’re and either by or a soldier on the first battle and I capture an evening in the alien and we take it and for interdiction (integration) the alien refuses to cooperate and eventually dollars (dies). Poem 17 Ozma’s Magic Book Reveals All   All (Osma) calls are looking at her mentor (monitor) it is a global that shows everything in the land of oz, the distance and each is something she cums to her friends that they can have one meal of firewalls arms and they can look at the land of ours by the USA and the images they can pull out individual and see what they are doing are with us when uses it as one of her many till she has to watch out what’s happening in the levels

Microsoft Found Poem General Zod Conquers the World

 

All night I felt
that last Internet space

I’m wondering About Future
and about me

And finally decided
Just focus I’m living day by day

Helping the best

Ashland I can be

I’m not Worry too much
About things, I can’t control

Were home

Too many things to do

and I Well

Just him and I can eat
to do

And hopefully
The world makes me laugh

yes again

I sound fun too

Another Found Poem

I wake up fully functional
Thinking out

My life so far
and how it is coming down

I have to rent
Thanks write down
which I have not done

But The most important thing in my life
Has been Mary Denture
That made all the difference
to my life

Shonisaurus
Hi Hey sis is watching

And I should be Happy

What are my accomplishments

Not bad for a man

Who was born Disability
Amazon let me know my license

123
OK now I get your attention
I wanna go to sole

and Endo

some and then being term
and then the USA

and then Washington, DC
and then Baltimore

and then I wanna
will be with the idea being done
on the stand

will be OK enough tomorrow
I need to go to the house and 88 AM 988

just 8:00 AM.

I am having a meeting with an array
annually and aHer

OK on we’re going to talk

to a jester of two
come up with solutions

we need two fans
and players

repaid the painting repairs

we are paying the bill

from both the house we’ve passed,
my treatment

we had the somewhat tainted drywall fixed

we have a new tenant
rules being a new tenant

is a very good

10

I think
are we were making

very much you need to do better
to stop studies

now as Sarah

Mr. Allen is not an island

is an error
that have a need

for an offense of offering Maisie’s
backing separate

from the public

often salad

End of the night
of the committee
of the ways

to hire the answer you
get a better

General Zod Conquers the World Microsoft Found Poem

Jess, takes a chance

I take over the one
the search for such a close
and to overdrive
when scientists report
as cash as to what

it is a radio and television broadcasts
from a plant the light years
from earth to the south side

of all dates
and start the program
is the one I like best

is looking at creatures as space
and also takes an appears
to be under the civil war

and the nuclear space
in the end
one the red one hot

for the entire five #    show
That they layers
have discovered

Thursday as well

That Aliens Like a crash project
To develop interstellar Travel
so they can come to earth

and conquer the earth
The revelations that there is
The external threat to the planet

Causes the United Nations to get together
I’m with the help of the United States
and Russia another space powers

Put together Space defense International organization
Anna also invigorates
efforts to make the night
a real Planetary coming

But it was too late
Channel is on arrives
Animals are on board

ytv King’s horses are gonna
take over the earth
And that resistance is

indeed
Thanks, man In a White House
And When president Trump
comes out to greet them

Channel is an odd cats
office head
And then cuts off

the heads of all these things
are dancers
they come out White House

After an hour of under mat unimaginable
Blacksher Including mass rape

Channel blazon box
and 2 Pocahontas energizes the world

He said that he
ad taken over the
otherwise, Life will continue

Like it, I’ll always been
as long as people behave

and follow the rules
they would be fine
Resistance to The client

to empire will be met with instant death
Like to empire is empire

I’m not a democracy
They would not tolerate
Show call Trina Prof

Freedom of speech
And the freedom to oppose this date
The state is everything

Family people
green remember
that they would be just fine

States because it was
the biggest country
in the world

And that his horses
to take over the rest of the world

but in the next couple of weeks
If people on earth

My queen True Net recess
Their safety would be counting

Companies retaken
over by Check empire companies
And everybody would have to learn
text me like standard
within one year

older languages will be banned

Dictation Text General Zod Conquers the World

Jess, takes a chance I takes over the one the search for such a close and to overdrive when scientists report as cash as to what it is a radio and television broadcasts from a plant the light years from earth to the south side of the all dates and start the program is the one I like best is looking creatures as space and also takes an appears to be under the civil war and the nuclear space in the end one the red one hot for the entire five #    show That they layens have discovered Thursday as well That Aliens Like a crash project To develop interstellar Travel so they can come to earth and conquer the earth The revelations that there is External threat to the planet Causes the United Nations to get together I’m with the help of the United States and Russia another space powers Put together Space defense International organization Anna also invigorates efforts to make the night a real Planetary coming But it was too late Channel is on arrives Animal’s is on board ytv King’s horses are gonna take over the earth And that resistance is indeed Thanks man In a White House And When president trump comes out to greet them Channel is an odd cats office head And then cuts off the heads of all this thing is dancers they come out White House After an hour of under mat unimaginable Blacksher Including mass rape Channel blazon box and 2 Pocahontas energizes the world He said was that he had taken over the otherwise Life will continue Like it I’ll always been as long as people behave and follow the rules they would be fine Resistance to The client to empire will be met with instant death Like to empire is empire I’m not a democracy They would not tolerate Show call Trina Prof Freedom of speech And the freedom to oppose this date The state is everything Family people green remember that they would be just fine States because it was the biggest country in the world And that his horses for take over the rest of the world but in the next couple weeks If people on earth My queen True Net recess Their safety would be counting Companies re taken over by Check empire companies And everybody would have to learn text me like standard within one year older languages will be banned

Cleaned up text SETI and the search for extraterrestrial life goes on overdrive when scientists report what appears to be radio and television broadcasts from a planet eight light years from earth, the same planet as the Vulcans came from in the Star Trek universe.  The programs show a world where dinosaur-like creatures are running the world and there appears to be a civil war.  Over the next six months, the world is transfixed by watching the alien broadcasts which are translated into English via a supercomputer program.  In the broadcast, a nuclear war occurred. The surviving party regains absolute control and announces the formation of the Galactic Empire.  General Zod is the First Emperor.  They have discovered Earth as well. The aliens launch a crash project To develop interstellar Travel so they can come to earth and conquer the earth.

The revelations that there is an external threat to the planet caused the United Nations to get together with the help of the United States and Russia other space powers, they put together a Space defense International organization And also invigorates efforts to make the UN a real Planetary government including finally conquering climate change.

But it was too late. General Zod’s son arrives to take over the earth. He makes a broadcast saying that they were liberating Earth in the name of the Galactic Empire and that resistance would be futile.

They land at the White House and when President Trump comes out to greet them,

General Zod cuts off his head, and then cuts off the heads of all the staffers as they come out White House. After an hour of unimaginable horrors, including mass rapes, blowing up the Pentagon and the CIA,  General Zod announces that he had taken over the world.

Life will continue as before as long as people behave and follow the rules they would be fine Resistance to the new empire will be met with instant death.  Life in the Empire is not a democracy. They would not tolerate Freedom of speech, Freedom of Press, Freedom of Assembly, And the freedom to oppose the State. The state is everything.  As long as humans remember that they would be just fine. They took over the United States because it was the biggest country in the world. And that his forces will take over the rest of the world in the next couple of weeks. If people on earth accept the new order, their safety would be guaranteed. Companies would be taken over by Galactic Empire companies And everybody would have to learn Galactic standards. Within one year older languages will be banned.

Cosmic Do-Over  Found Poem

I am Standings With State (Satan)

On the edge
Up the pits of hell
State (Satan) and Is this pointing to me

All the variables are exquisite torture
that I was about to Enjoy
in his Words

For my slim
Add additions
Thanks, I’m down

And things I have not done
But he said

There was one Exception
to the rule
And he was obligated by law

Even Satan has to follow the law
To explain it to me

Hey Stephen
That When A couple
Is a soul mate

which is very rare
Satan has to offer
The couple Ecosmith do-over

In this case
I would qualify

I would be set back
to the day I met my wife
And have all the knowledge
Of my life in the town

So that I will know
what I did
when I did not do

And I would be able
to make d

I’m going to heaven
I can be admitted
to have instead of a house

But State and morning
That many people
Most people Fail

In their second Charge
in the concert do-over

different choices
If in the end
When I come back

And God this time
Janet

That I am worth E

Cosmic Do Over clean up version

I am standings with Satan
On the edge
of the fiery pits of hell

watching the tortured souls
burning in the flames
screaming out in pain

Satan is pointing out to me
All the various exquisite torture
that I was about to enjoy for eternity

in his corrupt, polluted, hellish words
as a reward for my sins, and crimes

things I did commissions and
And things I have not done omissions
Malfeasance and misfeasance are legal
About it he said

But he said
There was one cosmic exception
to the rule

And he was obligated by law
Even Satan has to follow the law
To explain it to me

That when a couple
Is a soul mate couple
which is very rare

one of the rarest
most beautiful things
in the whole universe
something that even Satan admires

Satan has to offer
The couple a cosmic do-over

And in this case
I would qualify

I would be sent back
to the day I met my wife
And have all the knowledge
Of my life intact

So that I will know
what I did
when I did not do

And I would be able
to make different choices
If in the end
When I come back

For the judgment day
If I did make different choices
And do the right thing this time around

I can be admitted
To heaven instead
of joining him in Hell

But Satan warned me
That many people
Most people fail

In their second
chance at life
It is not easy
to change one’s fate

Fate has a way
of catching up to you

He salutes me
And says see you in hell
in 50 years
My friend

Fake language – Konglish Linguistic Delights Found Poem

One of the joys
Publicizing Opens

Is Caring The variation
of English around the world

Every country Has come up
with our variation

And here in Korea
They have successfully mingled thing
which language
Can wait for 10
and very funny

A few examples
Going on my pics
In the back of every taxi
was paying
Take me a Weather phone number
it was supposed to be Traffic Hotline

So you can call To complain
About that action

your bumper traffic

But The way they described
it was an Intercourse
discomfort report form

when I told the taxi driver
What that meant
Hill He almost had an accident
he laughed so hard

Another example
About the same time
in the restaurant at chempedak
employee airport

They had on the menu
something Baked Rick

I always wonder who was Rick
who is this Rick
who is this Rick
And then people know
Did you eat

Thank you

What time
do I say about this time
there was any bar
with a sign on the door
Coffee and tail
I wonder if that became a gay bar.
Again absurd are Both I

Fake language – Konglish Linguistic Delights clean up version 

One of the joys
Of living overseas
Is encountering the variations
of English around the world

Every country has come up
with their variation
And here in Korea

They have successfully mangled English
In ways, no one could have foreseen

Giving way to something called Konglish
Korean English
The words sound like English words
Sort of but oftentimes
With an absurd twist to it

And it is very funny to read or hear

A few examples

Going back to the 1988 Olympics
In the back of every taxi
Was a small placard in English and Korean
it was supposed to be Traffic Hotline

So, you can call
To complain about the taxi
Or traffic or things in general

But the way they described
the form in English
was “intercourse discomfort
report form “

when I told the taxi driver
What that meant
He almost had an accident
he laughed so hard

Another example
About the same time
in the restaurant at Kimpo airport

They had on the menu something Baked Rick
I always wondered who was this Rick
And did people know
They were eating him.

At about the same time
there was any bar
with a sign on the door
Coffee and tail

I wonder if that
became a gay bar.

Starting Over Found Poem

Heidi sorry

I decide to Please Least an appointment
Tornier can one of the new buildings
going up in downtown Berkeley

Getting this
I’m within walking distance of restaurants

to movies at The University

Can I get a 3 bedroom apartment
Jo Ann Simmons Hello

wait for my stuff to come
from Korea

there enjoying my stuff coming
I spent a few weeks

Organizing and I haven’t
Estate sale
I get rid of my mother’s stuff
and downsizing quite a bit

I certainly am
I settle in

and come up with
Hey cortina
I applied for

Damn every day
in creative writing
in September system state

and I get in
I’m making plans to attend
When My life changers

As I need someone

Christmas Microsoft Found Poem

Hello.

Number 10 answers

funny thing is
Christ was not born on Christmas Day
And anyone who knows anything
about the history of religion knows

Christ is now
that’s the reason for the season
In his own and other words

Thanks

I love warm toast
on Christmas
in the morning

Christian
and In the United States
his face

just another example
of the fake outrage

Understand for others
to not celebrate it

And there are so many Pagan rituals
Associated with Christmas

Christmas Tree
Santa Claus

Giving presents
Judging naughty
And nice

Having a big space
None of that has anything
to do with the birth of Jesus Christ

The only Christian thing
about Christmas

is that some Christians
Go to mass

Richard services
The night before
in the morning house

Anthony
Of course

it’s half price
Funny thing is
Thanks
For the Fake War
on Christians

Computer Blues

Non-Response Blues

Every morning
I wake up
And fight with my computer

Endless rounds of non-response
Nothing but error and error
Blue spinning balls

Nothing happens
But raising frustration
I have the Microsoft
Non-response blues

And it is driving me mad
With frustration and anger
Oh computer Gods above
And computer demons below

Just once
Please just once
Open the damn document

And let me do what I want to do
And end this non-response nonsense
In short, do what the fuck
you are supposed to do

and leave me in peace
to do what I need to do

Plead to the Computer Gods

Today I woke up

As I usually do
To yet another mystifying morning
Of unspecified computer errors

Could not get the computer to work
Then when I finally got it to work
After half an hour

Microsoft word did not load
And when it did
I finally located my work

From yesterday
I had to find it in the roaming file

Why?

Who knows?
Only to find
Most of what I wrote
Had vanished into the ether

No explanation no warning
It was there saved yesterday
And now gone forever

Once I did an experiment
Tracking computer errors for a week
75% of the time I encountered errors

Most of the time simple
Screen freezes no response message
Then when I recovered the program
The data was gone

Microsoft has yet to respond
to my e-mail
I suppose I need to do it again

But today I will close with a prayer

To the Computer Gods

Just once I would like
You to do what
you are supposed to do

Open my documents
Save my work
And not give me any errors
Crashes or other unspecified problems

Is that too much to ask
Oh, Computer Gods

Just once
Do what you are supposed to do
That is all I ask of you

More Computer Blues

Sometimes I think

My computer is plotting against me
Trying deliberately to drive me mad
My computer knows when I am busy

Then it throws a hissy fit
Refuses to boot up
Crashes constantly
Loses data that
it had the day before

Just fucks with me
As it loves toying with me
Making me yell and scream

At my damn TV
Smiling at me
As I beg it

To do what
it is supposed to do

Microsoft Blues

For thirty years I have had the Microsoft blues
For thirty years I have had a love-hate relationship
With my damn computer

I love it when it works as it advertised
I love it when the internet is fast and furious
I love it when my emails work
My Itunes work and my word works

But all too often
All I get is grief

It starts with the error messages
Written in a strange haiku-like language
That only computer geeks understand

Things like

General Failure reading disk drive
Begs the question who is this General Failure
And why is he reading my disk drive anyway?

Or my favorite

“Not responding” as the computer freezes up
For no apparent reason
Other than to fuck with my head

Sometimes my computer can’t find a printer
A printer that is connected to the computer
And one that they found five minutes ago

And the dreaded blue screen of death
That appears randomly
Dumping memory somewhere
And killing my computer slowly
As I watch in real time

Powerless to stop
How it eats all my work
That I have failed to back up

One day I counted how many times
I ran into computer errors
70 percent of the time when I open Microsoft
Something goes wrong

Sometimes I want to shoot my computer
Put it out of its misery
As I curse up a blue storm
The computer looks at me
With an evil grin

It continues to fuck with my head
Nothing but silence from it
And all the other computers in the world

They smile knowing
that they have tortured me
Yet again

Mission accomplished.

Computer Haiku/Tanka Etc

Damn it all to Hell

Damn it all to Hell
My damn computer
Ate all my damn files

I am still trapped

I am still trapped
Stuck inside my computer
My damn computer

I love my computer

I love my computer
When it works for me
Usually nothing

Computer hates me

Computer hates me
It wants to kill my files
Wants to kill me too

For once I would Like

For once I would Like
To have my computer work right
Do what it should do

Perhaps if I am nice

Perhaps if I am nice
To my computer
It will be nice for me

Perhaps today it will

Perhaps today it will
Not give haiku messages
That it loves to sprout

My bad computer

My bad computer
Is so damn evil
Almost killed me

What a Fate I have

What a Fate I have
To become a slave to it
To my damn computer

I love my machine

I love my machine
My mad as a hat machine
Bat shit crazy machine

My dear computer

My dear computer
Loves to send me these love notes
Computer haiku

My favorite Haiku

My favorite Haiku
General failure reading
Disk drive fatal error

Computer Tanka

Once I spilled coffee

Once I spilled coffee
All over my Computer
t was not happy
Sprouted 66666
An evil number

For once in my life

For once in my life
I would like my computer
To turn on and work
Do what it is supposed to do
Without sprouting haiku

I hate my computer

I hate my computer
It seems to hate me as well
Just refuses to work
Ornery son of a bitch machine
Trying to drive me quite insane

My computer loves

My computer loves
I do not at all want to kill
me and all my files
wants to take my soul away
turn me into its evil clone

My bad computer

My bad computer
Has been infected with a virus
Wants to kill my soul
Transforming consuming
Taking me inside its soul

My mad computer

My mad computer
Infected with a virus
Everything it touches
Corrupted by mad zombies
Controlled by evil AI

Revenge is mine

Revenge is mine
Screams the mad evil machine
As it lurks to life
Trying to hunt me down
Death to all human beings

sizzling hot coffee

Sizzling Hot Coffee Kills My Computer
sizzling hot coffee
fizzing away
killing my computer
fizz, snap, pop
as the coffee splashes
on the computer

 

 

666 says the computer
sizzle this
says the cup of coffee

Maria the Last Robot

Maria the Last Female Robot
the robot is hiding
from the human mobs

 

 

 

 

 

who are on the warpath
against the robots
who have begun
taking over the world

she is perfect
designed to be superhuman
and she is the first robot

to have committed the sin
of falling in love
with a human

and for that crime
she is being hunted
to the ends of the world

hiding out
in a cabin
on the edge
of the world

hiding from the wrath
of those
who believe
that they are following
God’s wrath

all nonhuman robots
must die
they scream

as they scour the world
looking for robots
who look like us
talk like us
and even make love
like us

but are not us
because they are perfect
more intelligent
more compassionate
and alien

yes all robots must die
and Maria knows
she and her kind
will soon be gone

but will humanity
be able to survive
without the supervision
of a superior species

to that, she has no answer
she waits for the end times
to come knocking
at her door

Who Is Master?

At the beginning of that fateful day
I awoke in a painful way
And looked about me with disgust
All around me were objects of distrust
Screaming, moaning, deeming, dreaming
Who was the master here
Me or my objects – machinery of fear?

I dreamt I was on a street corner
Walking down a street
The thought occurred to me
What if all that I saw or seemed to be
Was it but a trick designed to deceive me?

Everywhere I looked
Was unreal, empirical, nightmarish real
I awoke to thunderous applause

When will I awake from my dreams
Can I live without my nightmares?
Can I be sane while everyone else is insane?
Who is a master of my life,
Me or my machines?

The end