Microsoft How I Hate You
For thirty years I have had the Microsoft blues
For thirty years I have had a love-hate relationship
With my damn computer
I love it when it works as it advertised
I love it when the internet is fast and furious
I love it when my emails work
My Itunes work and my word works
But all too often
All I get is grief
It starts with the error messages
Written in a strange haiku-like language
That only computer geeks understand
Things like
General Failure reading disk drive
Begs the question who is this General Failure
And why is he reading my disk drive anyway?
Or my favorite
“Not responding” as the computer freezes up
For no apparent reason
Other than to fuck with my head
Sometimes my computer can’t find a printer
A printer that is connected to the computer
And one that they found five minutes ago
And the dreaded blue screen of death
That appears randomly
Dumping memory somewhere
And killing my computer slowly
As I watch in real time
Powerless to stop
How it eats all my work
That I have failed to back up
One day I counted how many times
I ran into computer errors
70 percent of the time when I open Microsoft
Something goes wrong
Sometimes I want to shoot my computer
Put it out of its misery
As I curse up a blue storm
The computer looks at me
With an evil grin
It continues to fuck with my head
Nothing but silence from it
And all the other computers in the world
They smile knowing that they have tortured me
Yet again
Mission accomplished.
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