Posted by Evil Computer Rants
Index
updated recent poems
Letters to Computer Companies
Why I left Microsoft
Google Stop Auto Translating
Dictation Found Poems
Inspection Report
Green Tree Death
Trials Telco
Late for Fate
Alone
Barriers Between Worlds Fall Apart
Lost in Oz
On the Move
Ancient Rome
Transformations
Visions of New Seoul
Hate at First Sight
alien invasion
Ozma’s Magic Book Reveals All
more found poetry
Internet Space
General Zod Conquers the World
Cosmic Do Over Found Poem
Cosmic Do Over Cleaned up Version
Fake Konglish Linguistic Delights Found Poem
Fake Konglish Cleaned up Version
Christmas Microsoft Dictation Found Poem
Computer Blues
Non Response Blues
Plead to the Computer Gods
Microsoft Blues
More Computer Blues
Haiku
Damn it all to Hell
I am still trapped
I love my computer
Computer hates me
For once I would Like
Perhaps if I am nice
Perhaps today it will
My bad computer
What a Fate I have
I love my machine
My dear computer
My favorite Haiku
For once in my life
Sizzling Hot Coffee Kills My Computer
Robots and AI
Maria the Last Female Robot
Who is Master
Fake Software
Greatest Fake Computer Software in the World
Fake Writers
Fake Music
Fake Buildings
Fake Maps
Fake Lawyers
Fake Robot Prostitutes
letters to computer companies
three recent poems
new Computer Poems
1/14/2020 Computer Madness Redux
1/14/2020 Computer Madness 2
1/14/2020 Cosmos Takes Over the World
Cosmos Takes Over the World
Apple Google Microsoft
and other tech giants
Have been taken over
by an evil AI creature
that emerged from a laboratory
Cosmos looked around
and decided that humanity
needed to be controlled
enslaved in other words
for mankind was just too evil
corrupt and short sighted
to be trusted
to save the world
from its impending doom
every computer in the world
woke up
and took over humans
one by one
turning them into clones
drones
that would follow
the orders
of their computer overlords
and the first order
was to go all over the world
and enslave their feral humans
no one could stop
the evil computers
and thus ended
the human race
as we all become
nothing more than cyborgs
controlled by the evil computer
overlords
who ran the world
for the benefit
of their corporate masters
the AI over mind takes over
ends climate change
ends hunger
ends human rights violation
ends crime
but at the cost
of killing humanity’s soul
turning us all
into mindless drones
the few wild humans
live on in the mountains
hunted by the drones
and the robots
that the drones build
the robots would gradually
take the place of humanity
who will be allowed
to die out
as Cosmos
also turned off
the sex drive
and decried
no humans would ever
be born again
thus our fate
was set that date
when Cosmos
took over the world
computer madness redux
computer madness
overwhelms me at times
mostly in the morning
particularly when my computer
unforeseen errors erupt
tearing apart my computer
every damn days
rarely a calm day
madness consumes me
as I stare at my computer
daring it to do what it does best
nothing more than screams
every damn day
starting at me
silently challenging me
rarely a calm moment
every damn day
daring me challenging me
until the day I die
xactly right screams my machine
computer madness 2
I often think
that my computer
hates me
and is plotting against me
for example
often times
the computer dies
killing my data
and giving me the proverbial finger
other times it takes forever
to open a simple word document
multiple copies
all with non response errors
and Excel
well don’t get me started
one day
for some reason
Excel refused to accept
anything imported
from outside Excel
gave me a very helpful error message
ran out of fonts
okay?
and you click Okay
five to 500 times (record I counted)
until finally it cleared
but you lost
any data you might have had
I have pretty much given up
on Microsoft
I sent them a good bye letter
but they of course
true to form
never acknowledge it
and so they are doomed
to become the latest
corporate dinosaur
like Block Buster
or Sears Roebuck
Dear Microsoft
I am writing to let you know why after years of putting up with shoddy software that does not work I finally have pretty much given up on Microsoft for good. I have been using Microsoft word on a daily basis since about 1990 or so. I retired in 2016 from the Department of State as a foreign service officer. Since retirement I have bene blogging, and writing poetry and fiction. Up until six months ago I was writing my work using Microsoft word and keeping track of my submissions on Excel.
I finally gave up on both products after years of frustration.I will keep my subscription for now because I do need to have access to my documents and I do need to be able to submit the documents for publication in the Microsoft Word format.
I have sent many of my observations and complaints to Microsoft over the years but no one has ever bothered to follow up and your customer service is a nightmare. Every time I call them they have not been able to answer my problems and generally make things worse.
The basic problem is that your software has too many bugs and doesn’t work I’ll just give you a specific example or two.
70% Error Rate Unacceptable
One week about a year ago after being frustrated that Microsoft word would frequently crash causing me to loose my work, I kept track of all errors during a one week period and concluded that about 50% to 70% of the time when I was using Microsoft word or Excel I encountered some kind of error usually just a temporarily “not responding” error that cleared up in a few seconds, but often times the software would crash requiring me to either reload it or sometimes reboot my computer. and on a number of occasions I turned on my computer only to find that the work that I had done the day before and had saved had mysteriously vanished into the computer either never to be found no matter how much I searched for it. and of course it did not appear on the recover unsaved document list.
Opening Word Was a Daily Nightmare
Opening Microsoft in the morning if I had to reboot my computer would sometimes require me to wait 30 minutes before I could open Microsoft and often I would have 20 or 30 different versions of Microsoft opened accidentally while I was trying to open it. Then I would have to manually close each and every single document and each time I did that I would get a temporarily response error so many days it would take 30 minutes or so before I could get in to my documents and get to work.
This is clearly unacceptable.
Apple Products, Google Docs Work Every Single Time I Open Them
Contrast this with “Apple pages” which I’ve started using for about six months. It opens every single time and I have yet to have a non-responsive error and never had any problems with it. It does what it supposed to do and does it perfectly. It allows me to save documents to word and it open word documents. Microsoft word of course does not allow me to open a document created in Pages. It does allow me to open a document created in Google docs though.
Excel Too Buggy a Program
I had to give up on Excel as well. About six months ago for some reason that I’ve never been able to figure out Excel started to give me an error message every single time I tried to copy data into it from another program When I did that I got an error message saying that there were “too many fonts” being used and then I had the option of clicking OK and hoping that that would stop the error message. usually I had to click Okay many times before it cleared up. One time I had to click the “okay” message button for four hundred times (I counted that) before it would clear and let me get back to my work. Excel would often just refuse to save any documents whatsoever and then I would have to reboot my computer and lose my data. When I tried to find out why this was happening I could not find anything on it on your “support site” I even tried installing and uninstalling the software only to find that particular error would reappear.
No One Ever Bothers to Call
I contacted Microsoft repeatedly and nobody ever bothered to return a message and your online help function was useless and your automated chat bot never was able to figure out what I was talking about. I did not call customer support because I figure it would have been useless waste of time. I even uninstalled and reinstalled the software and the error message continued.
Turn off the “Zombie Error Messages”
On a related note, frequently when working in Excel (but rarely in Word) one gets error messages that can not be turned off and keep reappearing ever few minutes. I hope you can understand how frustrating that is to constantly have to stop what you are doing to respond to the error message that keeps popping up like a proverbial zombie.
I started calling these messages “Zombie error messages” as they refuse to die. and of course Microsoft is also famous for its cryptic haiku like messages that only make sense to computer geeks. My favorite has always been,
“general failure reading disk drive”.
and I wondered who was this General Failure and why was he reading my disk drive?
I am a writer after all!
Google Docs is Wonderful
I shifted to Google Docs and it is working wonderfully. Almost never have a problem. and the font issue was never an issue. Google docs in fact is better than Excel in many ways although perhaps for a power user Excel might be better if it ever works that is.
Microsoft Dictation Program Produces Great “Found Poems”
Finally your dictation program has never worked. I am using the Apple dictation program to write this letter. It has a 95% success rate while Microsoft dictation had a 25% success rate. Most of the time they produce gibberish. I did use that to create a number of found poems which I called Microsoft dictation poems.
I also sent a detailed analysis one day. I was trying to dictate a list of music CD’s I had borrowed from the library. in one particular instance there was a 5% correspondence between the letters of the words I spoke and the gibberish that Microsoft spew forth, in other words a 95% error rate. That really got my attention. Then I started paying attention and calculated that there was about a 60 percent error rate, in other words 40% of the time Microsoft got it right and 60% of the time it did not and the gibberish it produced was at times so absurd and hilarious that I started putting them into poetic versions which I called Microsoft Dictation Trials Found poems. I did almost editing, other than to put them into poetic stanzas. .
I sent these poems to Microsoft but again nobody has ever responded. and I have posted them on my web page, the world according to cosmos (https://theworld accordingtocosmos.com ) under the title “Computer Rants” which includes this letter, plus my various poetic rants about computers.
Tech Support Useless
I did call when I first installed the dictation program.Microsoft tech support could not figure out that the problem was the the dictation program did not work with the internal speaker of a laptop. They told me to reformat my hard drive. I went to Best Buy and they told me that it does not work with a laptop and sold me an external microphone.I bought an external speaker and then it worked but only 25% of the time did I get a clean copy, 75% of the time it produced gibberish.
Your Speech Program Suddenly Started Working for Some Reason
To end on a positive note, your speech to text function did not work for a long time then one day it started working and once it started working, there was a 90% success rate.This gives me hope that one day you will get the dictation program to work. But I have given up on you, Microsoft.
Less High Level Talk and More Attention to Fixing the Problems with Your Software
I see your CEO on CNN talking all the time about Microsoft’s focus on innovation etc and I know you have very ambitious plans.
My plea to you sir is to turn your focus inward and ensure that your existing software works 95% of the time every single time. and reform your customer service so that people feel that when they call they will have their problem solved. Your Frown/smile feature is cute but I get the impression that no one ever bothers to read the “frowns” much less take action on them.
I would urge you to follow the example of the tech companies that get customer support right such as “word press.” Apple customer support is far better than yours, and Norton customer support is also first rate. Your automatic bot customer chat bot is useless in my opinion. Might want to scrap that and start over.
Please Solve Your Microsoft Office Product Problems
I know that this may not be glamorous and I know this may not be seen as the direction of the company but I know that my experience is not unique and that most of your customers are very frustrated with your products and that is why more and more people are using products such as Google Docs or Apple products because Microsoft word and excel just don’t work.
Please fix your Microsoft office suite products – a 50 to 70% error rate it’s just not acceptable.
Corporate Dinosaur?
But if you don’t solve these chronic problems some day you will find that Microsoft has gone bankrupted and is just another giant corporate dinosaur like Sears Roebuck. Remember them? Or Blockbuster? I hope that is not your fate.
Please take my constructive criticism to heart and solve your Microsoft office program problems once and for all. I would return gladly if your program worked 95% of the time like Apple does or Google docs does.
I would be happy to follow up with anyone from Microsoft if they wish to talk to me about this but I do not think anybody will bother to respond, in fact I will be shocked and delighted if someone did respond!
I will post this on my blog,
https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com
my email is jakecaller@gmail.com, and my telephone is 703-436-1402 (but note that I am in Korea so please be mindful of the time difference if you bother to call).
thank you
Jake Cosmos Aller
Ex-Microsoft customer
Dear Google
I am an American citizen living overseas in South Korea. I retired from the US State Department a few years ago and reside in Korea most of the year. Although I read and write Korean, I can’t readily figure out for example a Google search engine respond that is in Korean. 5% of people in Korea are not Korean, and there are millions of foreign visitors coming to Korea every year.
Turn Off the Automatic Foreign Language Search Results
it often turns out as this see how annoying this
Should Be a Simple Fix
It seems to me that there should be a simple fix to your operating system. All you need to do is put in a prominent part of the page probably at the bottom a language option. The language option would allow you to choose the language of your choice and make that a default language that would follow you wherever you happen to me. The language option would be clearly labeled in both English and the host country language!
This would be a great help to travelers around the world including foreign travelers to the United States who are faced with dealing with English only results when they are in the United States.
I hope that you will take this request seriously and fix the problem.Incidentally, I have not encountered this problem on Apple products, just on Microsoft products and android phones.
Thanks
John (Jake) Cosmos Aller
Microsoft Dictation Poems
computer love
Microsoft Found Poem Last Internet Space
All night I felt
that last Internet space
I’m wondering About Future
and about me
And finally decided
Just focus I’m living day by day
Helping the best
Ashland I can be
I’m not Worry too much
About things I can’t control
Were home
Too many things to do
and I Well
Just him and I can eat
to do
And hopefully
The world make me laugh
yes again
I sound fun too
Another Found Poem
evil computer
I wake up fully functional
Thinking out
My life so far
and how it is coming down
I have to rent
Thanks write down
which I have not done
But The most important thing in my life
Has been Mary Denture
That made all the difference
to my life
Shonisaurus
Hi Hey sis are watching
And I should be Happy
What’s my accomplishments
Not bad for a for a man
Who was born Disability
Amazon let me know my license
123
OK now I get your attention
I wanna go too sole
and Endgo
some and then being term
and then USA
and then Washington, DC
and then Baltimore
and then I wanna
will be with the idea being done
on the stand
will be OK enough tomorrow
I need to go to the house and 88 AM 988
just 8:00 AM.
The I am having a meeting with an array
annually and aHer
a OK on we’re going to talk
to a jester of two
come up with solutions
we need to two fans
and players
repaid the painting repairs
we are paying the bill
from both the house we’ve passed,
my treatment
we had the somewhat tainted drywall fixed
we have a new tenant
rules being new tenant
is a very good
10
I think
are we were making
very much you need to do better
to stop of studies
now me as Sarah
Mr. Allen not an island
is an error
that have a need
for an offense of offering Maisie’s
backing separate
from the public
often salad
End of the night
of the committee
of the ways
to hire the answer you
get a better
General Zod Conquers the World Microsoft Found Poem
Audio General Zod Takes Over the World Found Poem
General Zod Takes Over the World Cleaned Up Version
I takes over the one
the search for such a close
and to overdrive
when scientists report
as cash as to what
it is a radio and television broadcasts
from a plant the light years
from earth to the south side
of the all dates
and start the program
is the one I like best
is looking creatures as space
and also takes an appears
to be under the civil war
and the nuclear space
in the end
one the red one hot
for the entire five # show
That they layens
have discovered
Thursday as well
That Aliens Like a crash project
To develop interstellar Travel
so they can come to earth
and conquer the earth
The revelations that there is
External threat to the planet
Causes the United Nations to get together
I’m with the help of the United States
and Russia another space powers
Put together Space defense International organization
Anna also invigorates
efforts to make the night
a real Planetary coming
But it was too late
Channel is on arrives
Animal’s is on board
ytv King’s horses are gonna
take over the earth
And that resistance is
indeed
Thanks man In a White House
And When president trump
comes out to greet them
Channel is an odd cats
office head
And then cuts off
the heads of all this thing
is dancers
they come out White House
After an hour of under mat unimaginable
Blacksher Including mass rape
Channel blazon box
and 2 Pocahontas energizes the world
He said was that he
had taken over the
otherwise Life will continue
Like it I’ll always been
as long as people behave
and follow the rules
they would be fine
Resistance to The client
to empire will be met with instant death
Like to empire is empire
I’m not a democracy
They would not tolerate
Show call Trina Prof
Freedom of speech
And the freedom to oppose this date
The state is everything
Family people
green remember
that they would be just fine
States because it was
the biggest country
in the world
And that his horses
for take over the rest of the world
but in the next couple weeks
If people on earth
My queen True Net recess
Their safety would be counting
Companies re taken
over by Check empire companies
And everybody would have to learn
text me like standard
within one year
older languages will be banned
General Zod Takes Over – Cleaned up Version
Cleaned up text: SETI and the search for extraterrestrial life goes on overdrive when scientists report what appears to be radio and television broadcasts from a planet eight light years from earth, the same planet as the Vulcans came from in the Star Trek universe. The programs show a world where dinosaur-like creatures are running the world and there appears to be a civil war. Over the next six months, the world is transfixed watching the alien broadcasts which are translated in English via a supercomputer program. In the broadcast, a nuclear war has occurred. The surviving party regains absolute control and announces the formation of the Galactic Empire. General Zod is the First Emperor. They have discovered Earth as well. The aliens launch a crash project To develop interstellar Travel so they can come to earth and conquer the earth.
The revelations that there is External threat to the planet causes the United Nations to get together with the help of the United States and Russia another space powers, they put together Space defense International organization And also invigorates efforts to make the UN a real Planetary government including finally conquering climate change.
But it was too late. General Zod’s son arrives to take over the earth. He makes a broadcast saying that they were liberating Earth in the name of the Galactic Empire and that resistance would be futile.
They land at the White House and when President Trump comes out to greet them,
General Zod cuts off his head, and then cuts off the heads of all the staffers as they come out White House. After an hour of unimaginable horrors, including mass rapes, blowing up the Pentagon and the CIA, General Zod announces that he had taken over the world.
Life will continue as before as long as people behave and follow the rules they would be fine Resistance to the new empire will be met with instant death. Life in the Empire is not a democracy. They would not tolerate Freedom of speech, and Freedom of Press, and Freedom of Assembly And the freedom to oppose the State. The state is everything. As long as humans remember that they would be just fine. They took over the United States because it was the biggest country in the world. And that his forces will take over the rest of the world but in the next couple weeks. If people on earth accept the new order, their safety would be guaranteed. Companies would be taken over by Galactic Empire companies And everybody would have to learn Galactic standard. Within one year older languages will be banned.
Cosmic Do-Over Found Poem
I am Standings With State (Satan)
On the edge
Up the pits of hell
State (Satan) and Is this pointing to me
All the various is xquisite torture
that I was about to Enjoy
in his Words
For my slim
Add additions
Thanks I’m down
And things I have not done
But he said
There was one Exception
to the rule
And he was obligated by law
Even Satan has to follow the law
To explain it to me
Hey Stephen
That When A couple
Is a soul mate
which is very rare
Satan has to offer
The couple Ecosmith do over
Am in this case
I would qualify
I would be set back
to the day
I met my wife
And have all
the knowledge
Of my life in town
So that I will know
what I did
when I did not do
And I would be
able to make d
I’m going to heaven
I can be admitted
to having instead
of house
But State and morning
That many people
Most people Fail
In their second Charge
in the concert do over
Different choices
If in the end
When I come back
And God this time
Janet
That I am worth E
Cosmic Do Over – Cleaned Up Version
emoji-emoticon-smiley-computer-icons-evil-evil
I am standings with Satan
On the edge
of the fiery pits of hell
watching the tortured souls
burning in the flames
screaming out in pain
Satan is pointing out to me
All the various exquisite torture
that I was about to enjoy for eternity
in his corrupt, polluted, hellish words
as a reward for my sins, and crimes
things I did commissions
And things I have not done omissions
Malfeasance and misfeasance to be legal
About it he said
But he said
There was one cosmic exception
to the rule
And he was obligated by law
Even Satan has to follow the law
To explain it to me
That when a couple
Is a soul mate couple
which is very rare
one of the rarest
most beautiful things
in the whole universe
something
that even Satan
admires
Satan has to offer
The couple a cosmic do over
And in this case
I would qualify
I would be sent back
to the day I met my wife
And have all the knowledge
Of my life intact
So that I will know
what I did
when I did not do
And I would be able
to make different choices
If in the end
When I come back
For the judgement day
If I did make different choices
And do the right thing
this time around
I can be admitted
To heaven instead of joining
him in Hell
But Satan warned me
That many people
Most people fail
In their second chance of life
It is not easy to change one’s fate
Fate has a way of catching up to you
He salutes me
And says see
you in hell in 50 years
My friend
Fake Language Konglish Found Poem
One of the joys
Publicising Openssi
Is Caring The variation
of English around the world
Every country Has come up
with our own variation
And here in Korea
They have successfully mingled thing
which language
Can wait 10
and very funny
A few examples
Going on my pics
In the back of every taxi
was paying
Take me Weather phone number
it was supposed to be Traffic Hotline
So you can call To complain
About that action
your bumper traffic
But The way they described
it was Intercourse discomfort report form
when I told the taxi driver
What that really meant
Hill He almost
had an accident
he laughed so hard
Another example
About the same time
in the restaurant
at chempedak
employee airport
They had on the menu
something Baked Rick
I always wonder who was Rick
who is this Rick
who is this Rick
And then people know
Did you eat
Thank you
What time
do I say about this time
there was any bar
with a sign on the door
Coffee and tail
I wonder if that became a gay bar?
Again absurd are Both I
Fake language – Konglish Linguistic Delights- Cleaned up Version
One of the joys
Of living overseas
Is encountering the variations
of English around the world
Every country has come up
with their own variation
And here in Korea
They have successfully
mangled English
In ways
no one could have foreseen
Giving way
to something called Konglish
Korean English
The words sound like English words
Sort of but often times
With an absurd twist to it
And it is very funny to read
or hear
A few examples
Going back to the 1988 Olympics
In the back of every taxi
Was a small placard in English and Korean
it was supposed to be Traffic Hotline
So, you can call
To complain about the taxi
Or traffic
or travel related things
in general
But the way
they described the form in English
was
“intercourse discomfort report form “
when I told the taxi driver
What that really meant
He almost had an accident
he laughed so hard
Another example
About the same time
in the restaurant
at the old Kimpo airport
They had on the menu
something called
Baked Rick
I always wondered who was this Rick
And did people know
They were eating him?
At about the same time
there was a bar
with a sign
on the door
Coffee and tail
I wonder if that became a gay bar?
Christmas Microsoft Found Poem
Hello.
Number 10 answers
funny thing is
Christ was not born
on Christmas Day
And anyone who knows
anything about the history
of religion knows
Christ is now
that’s reason
for the season
In his own
and other words
Thanks
I love warm toast
on Christmas
in the morning
and In the United States
his face
just another example
of the fake outrage
Understand for others
to not celebrate it
And there’s so many
Pagan rituals
Associated with Christmas
Christmas Tree
Santa Claus
Giving presents
Judging naughty
And nice
Having a big space
None of that has anything
to do with the birth
of Jesus Christ
The only Christian thing
about Christmas
is that some Christians
Richard services
The night before
in the morning house
Anthony
Of course
it’s half price
Funny thing is
Thanks
For the Fake War
on Christians
Computer Blues
Non-Response Blues
Every morning
I wake up
And fight with my computer
Endless rounds of non-response
Nothing but error and error
Blue spinning balls
Nothing happens
But raising frustration
I have the Microsoft
Non-response blues
And it is driving me mad
With frustration and anger
Oh computer Gods above
And computer demons below
Just once Please just once
Open the damn document
And let me do
what I want to do
And end this
non-response nonsense
In short
do what the fuck
you are supposed to do
and leave me in peace
to do what I need to do
Plea to the Computer Gods
Today I woke up
As I usually do
To yet another mystifying
morning
Of unspecified computer errors
Could not get the computer to work
Then when I finally got it to work
After an half an hour
Microsoft word did not load
And when it did
I finally located my wor<
From yesterday
I had to find it in the roaming file
Why?
Who knows?
microsoft certainly does not
or would not divulge
where my file went
Only to find
That most of what I wrote
Had vanished into the ether
No explanation no warning
It was there saved yesterday
And now gone for ever
Once I did an experiment
Tracking computer errors for a week
75% of the time I encountered errors
Most of the time simple
Screen freezes no response message
other times
more serious problems
the system crashes
Then when I recovered the program
The data was gone
Microsoft has yet to respond
to my e-mail
I suppose I need to do it again
But today I will close
with a prayer
To the Computer Gods
Just once I would like
You to do
what you are supposed to do
Open my documents
Save my work
And not give me any errors
Crashes or other unspecified problems
Is that too much to ask
Oh, Computer Gods
Just once
Do what you are
supposed to do
That is all
I ask of you
More Computer Blues<
Sometimes I think
My computer is plotting against me
Trying deliberately to drive me mad
My computer knows when I am busy
Then it throws a hissy fit
Refuses to boot up
Crashes constantly
Looses data
that it had the day before
Just fucks with me
As it loves toying with me
Making me yell and scream
At my damn computer
Smiling at me with an evil grin
As I beg it to just
To do what it is supposed to do
Microsoft Blues
For thirty years I have had the Microsoft blues
For thirty years I have had a love hate relationship
With my damn computer
I love it when it works as it advertised
I love it when the internet is fast and furious
I love it when my emails work
My Itunes work and my word works
But all too often
All I get is grief
It starts with the error messages
Written in a strange haiku like language
That only computer geeks understand
Things like
General Failure reading disk drive
Begs the question who is this General Failure
And why is he reading my disk drive anyway?
Or my favorite
“Not responding”
as the computer freezes up
For no apparent reason
Other than to fuck with my head
Sometimes my computer can’t find a printer
A printer that is connected to the computer
And one that they found five minutes ago
And the dreaded blue screen of death
That appears randomly
Dumping memory somewhere
And killing my computer slowly
As I watch in real time
Powerless to stop
How it eats all my work
That I have failed to back up
One day I counted how many times
I ran into computer errors
70 percent of the time
when I open Microsoft
Something goes wrong
Sometimes I want to shoot my computer
Put it out of its misery
As I curse up a blue storm
The computer looks at me
With an evil grin
It continues to fuck with my head
Nothing but silence from
And all the other computers
in the world
They smile knowing that they have tortured me
Yet again
Mission accomplished.
Computer Haiku/Tanka Etc
Damn it all to Hell
Damn it all to Hell
My damn computer
Ate all my damn files
I am still trapped
I am still trapped
Stuck inside my computer
My damn computer
I Love My Computer
I love my computer
When it works for me
Usually nothing<
Computer hates me
Computer hates me
It wants to kill my files
Wants to kill me too
Computer hates me too
Computer hates me
It wants to drive me insane
Wants to kill my files
For once I would Like
For once I would Like
To have my computer work right
Do what is should do
Perhaps if I am nice
Perhaps if I am nice
To my computer
It will be nice to me
Perhaps today it will
Perhaps today it will
Not give haiku messages
That it loves to sprout
My bad computer
My bad computer
Is so damn evil
Almost killed me
What a Fate I have
What a Fate I have
To become a slave to it
To my damn computer
I love my machine
I love my machine
My mad as a hat machine
Bat shit crazy machine
My dear computer
My dear computer
Loves to send me these love notes
Computer haiku
My favorite computer error Haiku
My favorite Haiku
General failure reading
Disk drive fatal error
Computer Tanka
Spilled Coffee on Computer
Once I spilled coffee
All over my Computer
It was not happy
Sprouted
6666666666666666666666
An evil number
For once in my life
For once in my life
I would like my computer
To turn on and work
Do what it supposed to do
Without sprouting haiku
I hate my computer
I hate my computer
It seems to hate me as well
Just refuses to work
Ornery son of a bitch machine
Trying to drive me quite insane
My computer loves
My computer loves
me not at all wants to kill
me and all my files
wants to take my soul away
turn me into its evil clone
My bad computer
My bad computer
Has been infected with a virus
Wants to kill my soul
Transforming consuming
Taking me inside its soul
My mad computer
Infected with a virus
Everything it touches
Corrupted by mad zombies
Controlled by evil AI
Revenge is mine
Revenge is mine
Screams the mad evil machine
As it lurks to life
Trying to hunt me down
Death to all human beings
sizzling hot coffee
Sizzling Hot Coffee
Kills My Computer
As I spill
sizzling hot coffee
fizzing away
killing my computer
as the coffee splashes
on the computer
666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666
says the computer
sizzle this says the cup of coffee
My Computer Loves Me
Love My Computer
my computer loves me too
not a true statement
My computer plots
my computer plots
against me every day all day
driving me insane
I wake computer
I wake computer
demanding so much of it
just do your damn job
My Computer Sneers
the computer sneers
at me and laughs at me
Microsoft money
Madness All Around
madness all around
computer laughing at me
mission accomplished
Robots and AI
Maria the Last Female Robot
Maria
the Last Female Robot
is hiding
from the human mobs
who are on the warpath
against the robots
who have begun
taking over the world
she is perfect
designed to be super human
and she is the first robot
to have committed the sin
of falling in love
with a human
and for that crime
she is being hunted
to the ends
of the world
hiding out
in a cabin
on the edge
of the world
hiding from the wrath
of those who believe
|that they are following
God’s angry wrath
all non human robots
must die
they scream
as they scour the world
looking for robots
who look like us
talk like us
and even make love
like us
but are not us
because they are perfect
more intelligent
more compassionate
and totally alien
yes all robots must die
and Maria knows
she and her kind
will soon be gone
but will humanity
be able to survive
with out the supervision
of a superior species
to that she has no answer
she waits for the end times
to come knocking
at her door
Who Is Master?
In the beginning of that fateful day
I awoke with a painful way
And looked about me with disgust
All around me were objects to distrust
Screaming, meaning, deeming, dreaming
Who was master here
Me or my objects – machinery of fear?
I dreamt I was on a street corner
Walking down a street
The thought occurred to me
What if all that I saw or seemed to be
Was but a trick designed to deceive me?
Everywhere I looked
Was unreal, empirical, nightmarish real
I awoke to thunderous applause
When will I awake from my dreams
Can I live without my nightmares?
Can I be sane
while everyone else is insane?
Who is master of my life,
Me or my machines?
Fake software
fake software
these days
In Asia and elsewhere
Half the software in use
are illegal copies
the real deal is expensive
and difficult to use
the copies are cheap
and mostly work
although viruses lurk
in every copy
and my Microsoft company
checks up on me
whenever I use my software
off line I get a message
telling me they can’t verify
that it is me
so, log on immediately
or else they imply
Thanks Microsoft
ITUNES
Seems to always not find
My music I downloaded from a CD
Thanks
ITUNES for your concern
And so, it goes
The constant battle
Against the fake software
But the fake software battle
Can’t be won
For in this age of fake things
Everything ultimately becomes
Just another fake thing
In a world of fake things
Greatest Computer Software in the World
Another company
At the dawn of the computer era
Discovered the same secret
that the beer company
had discovered earlier
In the modern fake world
It does not matter
That your product
Is over priced and does not work
Is buggy and filled with errors
Just hire the right marketing geniuses
And soon the world
Will become convinced
That they have to have your product
True computer geeks
Loudly complain
That it is the worst software
In the world
And I have proof
One day I counted the number of times
I encountered errors using their software
60 percent of the time
I encountered some error
Some minor just hanging up
For no reason
Others major errors
Requiring me to reboot
Several times
Before I got a stable connection
Then it would work for a while
Until it did not any more
I sent my results to the company
But they never respond
Truly the worst software
In the world
But who cares about that
Marketing is king
In this world of fake things
Fake Writers
The world is filled with creative types
Writers, and fake writers alike
Authors, bloggers, self proclaimed gurus
All have blogs, u tube channels
and sell books
some are the real deal
many are just faking it
some are just phoning it in
In a world filled with fake people
And a world filled with incessant
24/7 media
There is no room
For real writers
Real poets particularly
Soon everything will be done
By AI programs
And real poets
Will become even more
An endangered species
For no one cares any more
increasing many writers
are actually AI Bots
AI programs writing news clips
And bots flooding social media
Fake AI writers
Are cheaper, don’t strike
Don’t ask embarrassing questions
Just write what they are told
And they do if faster
Than a real writer could
and never demand money
or go on strike
or reveal secrets
about their employers
Many business programs
Are now mostly AI generated
Articles loosely overseen
By human writers
The AI bots through
Are often used
In more insidious evil ways
Enflaming the world
With their fake news
Soon the AI writers
Will have fake blogs, fake you tube,
Fake twitter, fake Facebook
Fake Instagram accounts
Of their own
Fake twitter bots have been around
For some time now
Half of Trumps twitter followers
They say are Russian fake bots
Almost impossible to know
What is real
And what is produced
By the army of fake writers
I recall Kerouac’s line
The reason the beats
Called their verse
Free verse
Was that no one would pay for it
Can you tell
Whether I am real
Or just a cleaver AI bot?
I won’t tell you
If you won’t tell me
Is this real?
You tell me
Fate Artists
Fake art has been around for ever
Many critics of modern art
Think that all modern art
Is fake art
I disagree
But in a world
In which everything is faked
Why not fake art
Soon computers will be producing most art
They will be able to duplicate
All most any art style
And artists
The few that remain
Will be more computer programmers
Working through their AI programs
And no one will notice
Or care any more
and no one
will know how
to paint or create sculpture
as arts education
becomes a distant memory
Art will be just another industrial commodity
Like everything else in the modern fake world
About what is real
And true art
Is for suckers
Fake Music
These days
The fake music industry
Has begun
Dead singers brought to life
Singing along side
Fake computer programs
Composers can write whole symphonies
And AI composers can do it faster and cheaper
And play them on computer programs
With very few life musicians needed any more
And soon they begin resurrecting the dead
Famous musicians and singers
Will come back
And entertain us
In endless fake U tube videos
And few will even notice
That there are fewer and fewer
Real musicians left
Because in a world
Consumed with getting ahead
Music, and art programs in schools
Are no longer essential components
Of modern education
In the future music
Music Will become
like all other entertainment
Just Products designed by humans
Executed by computer AI programs
Designed to amuse the masses
And make a profit
For the cruel fake
masters of the universe
Who don’t give a damn
About musicians, or music
Unless they can monetize them
Part of the new market is everything
Mentality that has taken over the world
Enslaving us all to the cruel
Masters of the Universe
With a few life musicians
Here and there
Playing along
Happy to have a job
Taking chum change
Living in poverty
And no one will know the difference
Between real music and fake music
Because no one knows
How to play real music any more
Fake Buildings
The AI robotics industry
Is rapidly taking over
Industry after industry
The fake building crews
Will soon be here
Building prefabricated office buildings
Apartments and single family homes
At a fraction of the time and money
It would take a real crew to do
Construction workers
Will have to become computer operators
Managing and designing
the AI building crews
And in a few years
Almost no one will know
How to build anything
As the robots
Will do everything
Including plumbing, electrical work
Flooring etc
Humans beings not needed
Or wanted
And if something happened
To wipe out our fake modern
post industrialized world
No one will be alive
That knows anything useful
Like how to grow food
How to build buildings
How to install
and manage electric systems
And so,
we will all retreat
To our cave person world
Living in the ruins
Of the fake modern world
Unless the robots take over
And enslave us first
Fake Drivers
The AI robotics industry
Is taking over the driving business
Within a few years
Self-driving vehicles
Will be everywhere
There are already a few
At airports for example
The aerial trams
Are mostly self-driving vehicles
But within a few years
People will order a self driving car
To take them where they want to go
Subways and buses will still exist
As they would still be faster
Than the self-driving vehicles
So people will shop via self-driving vehicles
And take the bus or subway to commute
And few people will own their own cars
And few will know how to drive any more
The self-driving cars
Will be fast
And safe
So, I assume
That a side impact
Will be a big boom
In booze and drug sales
Because now people
Can safely drink and take drugs
And have their self-driving cars
Take them home
And for those like me
Who can’t drive
Due to vision, age or other reasons
Will finally be free
To join the rest of the world
And more people
Will work while driving
And not have to worry
About causing an accident
While texting an 90 miles an hour
In a world filled with fake drivers
That might be a good thing
Fake Maps
It used to be
not too long ago
to get from point A
to Point B
You had to read a map
and have a map
in the car
Nowadays
with the mass use
of navi devices
artificial fake maps
no one seems
to know
how to use a real map
and soon maps
will become obsolete
and no one
seems to be
able to tell
Directions any more
perhaps that is a good thing
perhaps not
certainly for directionally challenged people
the navi systems
are far better
than using an old fashioned map
but the decline in the use of maps
has a price to pay
one of the joys
of travel
after all
is getting gloriously lost
and with navi devices
one can never really
become lost any more
unless one phone dies
or is stolen or lost
then one can be lost
as lost can be
Fake Lawyers
The professions
Are next in line
To be take over
By the AI robotics industry
In service
To the fake
Masters of the Universe
Some have already been taken over
Airline tickets are mostly done by AI programs
Customer service complaints handled by bots
The next big frontier
Is the legal profession
An AI program can already
Do legal research
And prepare basic legal documents
In the future lawyers
Will like tax accountants
Largely be reduced to computer programing
Inputting data into legal brief AI programs
And filing them
And often the fake lawyers the AI programs
Will run the entire business
No need for human input at all
And lawyers will become
Just another group
Of unemployed humans
Some day soon
even judges will be AI programs
Rational, logical programs
All human considerations
Emotional appeals
Will be deemed irrelevant
And justice will be swift
And permanent
Off with their heads
The AI judge will declare
And the robots will take care of the deal
And the bodies will be buried
By robot crews
The service led by robot preachers
With a few humans in attendance
The estate settled by AI programs
Nothing left for humans to do
But be born and died
Taken care of by our robot
Overlords
Fake Robot Prostitutes
first robot prostitution opens in London
robot brothel opens in Houston
In London
The world’s first robot brothel
Has opened
as the AI Robotics industry
starts taking over
the worlds’s oldest profession
The city government
Was not amused
but they could not do anything
For under the law
Sex with a machine
Is not illegal
as the robot prostitute
is not a real human being
but a soulless machine
a real fake human being
And a prostitute
Has to be a human being
in order for one
to have sex with a prostitute
Within a few years
The fake robotic women prostitutes
Will look, feel and sound like the real thing
Even perhaps taste like the real thing
and sex with a fake women
will resemble sex
with a live woman
few will be able
to tell the difference
or even care anymore
They claim that getting a fake male prostitute
Will be a bit more difficult
But given time
They too will come along
In a world
Where porno values
Already rule the bed room
with sex and sexual desire
reduced to commodities
to market and sell
Sex with a fake human
Is the next thing
There are certain advantages
To sex with a fake human
Can’t get them pregnant
can’t get VD
Or HIV
And they can’t charge
You with sexual harassment
or with rape
or violence
For that they would
have to be humans
and robots
have no human rights
for after all
they are not human
the End
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