Evil Computer Rants

Index 

        updated recent poems

Letters to Computer Companies

Why I left Microsoft

Google Stop Auto Translating

Dictation Found Poems

Inspection Report

 Green Tree Death

 Trials Telco

 Late for Fate

 Alone

 Barriers Between Worlds Fall Apart

Lost in Oz

On the Move

Ancient Rome

  Transformations

 Visions of New Seoul

Hate at First Sight

 alien invasion

 Ozma’s Magic Book Reveals All

more found poetry

Internet Space

General Zod Conquers the World

Cosmic Do Over Found Poem   

Cosmic Do Over Cleaned up Version

Fake Konglish Linguistic Delights Found Poem 

Fake Konglish Cleaned up Version

Christmas Microsoft Dictation Found Poem

Computer Blues

Non Response Blues

Plead to the Computer Gods

Microsoft Blues

More Computer Blues

Haiku 

Damn it all to Hell

I am still trapped

I love my computer

Computer hates me

For once I would Like

Perhaps if I am nice

Perhaps today it will

My bad computer

What a Fate I have

I love my machine

My dear computer

My favorite Haiku

For once in my life

Sizzling Hot Coffee Kills My Computer

Robots and AI

Maria the Last Female Robot

Who is Master

Fake Software

Greatest Fake Computer Software in the World

Fake Writers

  Fake Music

Fake Buildings

Fake Maps

Fake Lawyers

Fake Robot Prostitutes

letters to computer companies

three recent poems

new Computer Poems

1/14/2020  Computer Madness Redux

1/14/2020  Computer Madness 2

1/14/2020  Cosmos Takes Over the World

Cosmos Takes Over the World 

Apple Google Microsoft
and other tech giants
Have been taken over

by an evil AI creature
that emerged from a laboratory

Cosmos looked around
and decided that humanity
needed to be controlled
enslaved in other words

for mankind was just too evil
corrupt and short sighted
to be trusted
to save the world
from its impending doom

every computer in the world
woke up
and took over humans
one by one

turning them into clones
drones
that would follow
the orders
of their computer overlords

and the first order
was to go all over the world
and enslave their feral humans

no one could stop
the evil computers
and thus ended
the human race

as we all become
nothing more than cyborgs

controlled by the evil computer
overlords
who ran the world
for the benefit
of their corporate masters

the AI over mind takes over
ends climate change
ends hunger
ends human rights violation
ends crime

but at the cost
of killing humanity’s soul

turning us all
into mindless drones

the few wild humans
live on in the mountains

hunted by the drones
and the robots
that the drones build

the robots would gradually
take the place of humanity

who will be allowed
to die out

as Cosmos
also turned off
the sex drive

and decried
no humans would ever
be born again

thus our fate
was set that date

when Cosmos
took over the world

computer madness redux

computer madness
overwhelms me at times
mostly in the morning

particularly when my computer
unforeseen errors erupt
tearing apart my computer

every damn days
rarely a calm day
madness consumes me

as I stare at my computer
daring it to do what it does best

nothing more than screams
every damn day
starting at me
silently challenging me

rarely a calm moment
every damn day
daring me challenging me
until the day I die

xactly right screams my machine

computer madness 2

I often think
that my computer
hates me

and is plotting against me

for example
often times
the computer dies
killing my data
and giving me the proverbial finger

other times it takes forever
to open a simple word document
multiple copies
all with non response errors

and Excel
well don’t get me started

one day
for some reason

Excel refused to accept
anything imported
from outside Excel

gave me a very helpful error message
ran out of fonts
okay?

and you click Okay
five to 500 times (record I counted)

until finally it cleared
but you lost
any data you might have had

I have pretty much given up
on Microsoft

I sent them a good bye letter
but they of course
true to form

never acknowledge it
and so they are doomed

to become the latest
corporate dinosaur

like Block Buster
or Sears Roebuck

Dear Microsoft

I am writing to let you know why after years of putting up with shoddy software that does not work I finally have pretty much given up on Microsoft for good.  I have been using Microsoft word on a daily basis since about 1990 or so. I retired in 2016 from the Department of State as a foreign service officer.  Since retirement I have bene blogging, and writing poetry and fiction.  Up until six months ago I was writing my work using Microsoft word and keeping track of my submissions on Excel. 

I finally gave up on both products after years of frustration.I will keep my subscription for now because I do need to have access to my documents and I do need to be able to submit the documents for publication in the Microsoft Word format.

I have sent many of my observations and complaints to Microsoft over the years but no one has ever bothered to follow up and your customer service is a nightmare.  Every time I call them they have not been able to answer my problems and generally make things worse.

The basic problem is that your software has too many bugs and doesn’t work I’ll just give you a specific example or two.

70% Error Rate Unacceptable

One week about a year ago after being frustrated that Microsoft word would frequently crash causing me to loose my work, I kept track of all errors during a one week period and concluded that about 50% to 70% of the time when I was using Microsoft word or Excel I encountered some kind of error usually just a temporarily “not responding” error that cleared up in a few seconds, but often times the software would crash requiring me to either reload it or sometimes reboot my computer. and on a number of occasions I turned on my computer only to find that the work that I had done the day before and had saved had mysteriously vanished into the computer either never to be found no matter how much I searched for it. and of course it did not appear on the recover unsaved document list.

Opening Word Was a Daily Nightmare

Opening Microsoft in the morning if I had to reboot my computer would sometimes require me to wait 30 minutes before I could open Microsoft and often I would have 20 or 30 different versions of Microsoft opened accidentally while I was trying to open it. Then I would have to manually close each and every single document and each time I did that I would get a temporarily response error so many days it would take 30 minutes or so before I could get in to my documents and get to work.

  This is clearly unacceptable.

Apple Products, Google Docs Work Every Single Time I Open Them

Contrast this with “Apple pages” which I’ve started using for about six months. It opens every single time and I have yet to have a non-responsive error and never had any problems with it.  It does what it supposed to do and does it perfectly. It allows me to save documents to word and it open word documents.  Microsoft word of course does not allow me to open a document created in Pages. It does allow me to open a document created in Google docs though.

Excel  Too Buggy a Program

I had to give up on Excel as well.  About six months ago for some reason that I’ve never been able to figure out  Excel started to give me an error message every single time I tried to copy data into it from another program When I did that I got an error message saying that there were “too many fonts” being used and then I had the option of clicking OK and hoping that that would stop the error message.  usually I had to click Okay many times before it cleared up. One time I had to click the “okay” message button for four hundred times (I counted that)  before it would clear and let me get back to my work. Excel would often just refuse to save any documents whatsoever and then I would have to reboot my computer and lose my data.  When I tried to find out why this was happening I could not find anything on it on your “support site”  I even tried installing and uninstalling the software only to find that particular error would reappear.

No One Ever Bothers to Call

I contacted Microsoft repeatedly and nobody ever bothered to return a message and your online help function was useless and your automated chat bot never was able to figure out what I was talking about.  I did not call customer support because I figure it would have been useless waste of time. I even uninstalled and reinstalled the software and the error message continued.

Turn off the “Zombie Error Messages”

On a related note, frequently when working in  Excel (but rarely in Word) one gets error messages that can not be turned off and keep reappearing ever few minutes.  I hope you can understand how frustrating that is to constantly have to stop what you are doing to respond to the error message that keeps popping up like a proverbial zombie.

I started calling these messages “Zombie error messages” as they refuse to die. and of course Microsoft is also famous for its cryptic haiku like messages that only make sense to computer geeks. My favorite has always been,

“general failure reading disk drive”.

and I wondered who was this General Failure and why was he reading my disk drive?

I am a writer after all!

Google Docs is Wonderful

I shifted to Google Docs and it is working wonderfully. Almost never have a problem.  and the font issue was never an issue. Google docs in fact is better than Excel in many ways although perhaps for a power user Excel might be better if it ever works that is.

Microsoft Dictation Program Produces Great “Found Poems”

Finally your dictation program has never worked. I am using the Apple dictation program to write this letter. It has a 95% success rate  while Microsoft dictation had a 25% success rate. Most of the time they produce gibberish. I did use that to create a number of found poems which I called Microsoft dictation poems.

I also sent a detailed analysis one day.  I was trying to dictate a list of music CD’s I had borrowed from the library.  in one particular instance there was a 5% correspondence between the letters of the words I spoke and the gibberish that Microsoft spew forth, in other words a 95% error rate. That really got my attention.  Then I started paying attention and calculated that there was about a 60 percent error rate, in other words 40% of the time Microsoft got it right and 60% of the time it did not and the gibberish it produced was at times so absurd and hilarious that I started putting them into poetic versions which I called Microsoft Dictation Trials Found poems.  I did almost editing, other than to put them into poetic stanzas. .

I sent these poems to Microsoft but again nobody has ever responded. and I have posted them on my web page, the world according to cosmos (https://theworld accordingtocosmos.com ) under the title “Computer Rants” which includes this letter, plus my various poetic rants about computers.

Tech Support Useless

I did call when I first installed the dictation program.Microsoft tech support could not figure out that the problem was the the dictation program did not work with the internal speaker of a laptop. They told me to reformat my hard drive. I went to Best Buy and they told me that it does not work with a laptop and sold me an external microphone.I bought an external speaker and then it worked but only 25% of the time did I get a clean copy, 75% of the time it produced gibberish.

Your Speech Program Suddenly Started Working for Some Reason

To end on a positive note, your speech to text function did not work for a long time then one day it started working and once it started working, there was a 90% success rate.This gives me hope that one day you will get the dictation program to work.  But I have given up on you, Microsoft.

Less High Level Talk and  More Attention to Fixing the Problems with Your Software

I see your CEO on CNN talking all the time about Microsoft’s focus on innovation etc and I know you have very ambitious plans.

My plea to you sir is to turn your focus inward and ensure that your existing software works  95% of the time every single time. and reform your customer service so that people feel that when they call they will have their problem solved.  Your Frown/smile feature is cute but I get the impression that no one ever bothers to read the “frowns” much less take action on them.

I would urge you to follow the example of the tech companies that get customer support right such as “word press.”  Apple customer support is far better than yours, and Norton customer support is also first rate. Your automatic bot customer chat bot is useless in my opinion.  Might want to scrap that and start over.

Please Solve Your Microsoft Office Product Problems

I know that this may not be glamorous and I know this may not be seen as the direction of the company but I know that my experience is not unique and that most of your customers are very frustrated with your products and that is why more and more people are using products  such as Google Docs or Apple products because Microsoft word and excel just don’t work.

  Please fix your Microsoft office suite products  – a 50 to 70% error rate it’s just not acceptable. 

Corporate Dinosaur?

But if you don’t solve these chronic problems some day you will find that Microsoft has gone bankrupted and is just another giant corporate dinosaur like Sears Roebuck. Remember them?  Or Blockbuster?   I hope that is not your fate.

Please take my constructive criticism to heart and solve your Microsoft office program problems once and for all.  I would return gladly if your program worked 95% of the time like Apple does or Google docs does.

I would be happy to follow up with anyone from Microsoft if they wish to talk to me about this but I do not think anybody will bother to respond, in fact I will be shocked and delighted if someone did respond!

I will post this on my blog,

https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com

my email is jakecaller@gmail.com, and my telephone is 703-436-1402 (but note that I am in Korea so please be mindful of the time difference if you bother to call).

thank you

Jake Cosmos Aller

Ex-Microsoft customer

Dear Google

I am an American citizen living overseas in South Korea.  I retired from the US State Department a few years ago and reside in Korea most of the year. Although I read and write Korean, I can’t readily figure out for example a Google search engine respond that is in Korean. 5% of people in Korea are not Korean, and there are millions of foreign visitors coming to Korea every year.

Turn Off the Automatic Foreign Language Search Results

it often turns out as this  see how annoying this

Should Be a Simple Fix

It seems to me that there should be a simple fix to your operating system. All you need to do is put in a prominent part of the page probably at the bottom a language option. The language option would allow you to choose the language of your choice and make that a default language that would follow you wherever you happen to me. The language option would be clearly labeled in both English and the host country language!

This would be a great help to travelers around the world including foreign travelers to the United States who are faced with dealing with English only results when they are in the United States.

I hope that you will take this request seriously and fix the problem.Incidentally, I have not encountered this problem on Apple products, just on Microsoft products and android phones.

Thanks

John (Jake) Cosmos Aller

Microsoft Dictation Poems

computer love

Microsoft Found Poem  Last Internet Space

All night I felt
that last Internet space

I’m wondering About Future
and about me

And finally decided
Just focus I’m living day by day

Helping the best
Ashland I can be

I’m not Worry too much
About things I can’t control

Were home
Too many things to do

and I Well
Just him and I can eat
to do

And hopefully
The world make me laugh

yes again
I sound fun too

Another Found Poem

evil computer

I wake up fully functional
Thinking out

My life so far
and how it is coming down

I have to rent
Thanks write down
which I have not done

But The most important thing in my life
Has been Mary Denture
That made all the difference
to my life

Shonisaurus
Hi Hey sis are watching
And I should be Happy

What’s my accomplishments

Not bad for a for a man
Who was born Disability
Amazon let me know my license

123
OK now I get your attention
I wanna go too sole

and Endgo

some and then being term
and then USA

and then Washington, DC
and then Baltimore

and then I wanna
will be with the idea being done
on the stand

will be OK enough tomorrow
I need to go to the house and 88 AM 988
just 8:00 AM.

The I am having a meeting with an array
annually and aHer
a OK on we’re going to talk

to a jester of two
come up with solutions

we need to two fans
and players

repaid the painting repairs
we are paying the bill

from both the house we’ve passed,
my treatment
we had the somewhat tainted drywall fixed

we have a new tenant
rules being new tenant

is a very good
10

I think
are we were making

very much you need to do better
to stop of studies

now me as Sarah
Mr. Allen not an island

is an error
that have a need

for an offense of offering Maisie’s
backing separate

from the public
often salad

End of the night
of the committee
of the ways

to hire the answer you
get a better

 General Zod Conquers the World Microsoft Found Poem

Audio General Zod Takes Over the World Found Poem

General Zod Takes Over the World Cleaned Up Version

I takes over the one
the search for such a close
and to overdrive

when scientists report
as cash as to what
it is a radio and television broadcasts

from a plant the light years
from earth to the south side
of the all dates

and start the program
is the one I like best
is looking creatures as space

and also takes an appears
to be under the civil war

and the nuclear space
in the end
one the red one hot

for the entire five #    show
That they layens
have discovered

Thursday as well
That Aliens Like a crash project
To develop interstellar Travel

so they can come to earth
and conquer the earth

The revelations that there is
External threat to the planet
Causes the United Nations to get together

I’m with the help of the United States
and Russia another space powers

Put together Space defense International organization
Anna also invigorates
efforts to make the night
a real Planetary coming

But it was too late
Channel is on arrives
Animal’s is on board
ytv King’s horses are gonna

take over the earth
And that resistance is
indeed

Thanks man In a White House
And When president trump
comes out to greet them
Channel is an odd cats
office head

And then cuts off
the heads of all this thing
is dancers

they come out White House
After an hour of under mat unimaginable
Blacksher Including mass rape

Channel blazon box
and 2 Pocahontas energizes the world

He said was that he
had taken over the
otherwise Life will continue
Like it I’ll always been

as long as people behave
and follow the rules

they would be fine
Resistance to The client
to empire will be met with instant death

Like to empire is empire
I’m not a democracy
They would not tolerate
Show call Trina Prof

Freedom of speech
And the freedom to oppose this date
The state is everything

Family people
green remember

that they would be just fine
States because it was
the biggest country
in the world
And that his horses

for take over the rest of the world
but in the next couple weeks
If people on earth

My queen True Net recess
Their safety would be counting
Companies re taken
over by Check empire companies

And everybody would have to learn
text me like standard
within one year

older languages will be banned

General Zod Takes Over – Cleaned up Version

Cleaned up text: SETI and the search for extraterrestrial life goes on overdrive when scientists report what appears to be radio and television broadcasts from a planet eight light years from earth, the same planet as the Vulcans came from in the Star Trek universe.  The programs show a world where dinosaur-like creatures are running the world and there appears to be a civil war.  Over the next six months, the world is transfixed watching the alien broadcasts which are translated in English via a supercomputer program.  In the broadcast, a nuclear war has occurred. The surviving party regains absolute control and announces the formation of the Galactic Empire.  General Zod is the First Emperor.  They have discovered Earth as well. The aliens launch a crash project To develop interstellar Travel so they can come to earth and conquer the earth.

The revelations that there is External threat to the planet causes the United Nations to get together with the help of the United States and Russia another space powers, they put together Space defense International organization And also invigorates efforts to make the UN a real Planetary government including finally conquering climate change.

But it was too late. General Zod’s son arrives to take over the earth. He makes a broadcast saying that they were liberating Earth in the name of the Galactic Empire and that resistance would be futile.

They land at the White House and when President Trump comes out to greet them,

General Zod cuts off his head, and then cuts off the heads of all the staffers as they come out White House. After an hour of unimaginable horrors, including mass rapes, blowing up the Pentagon and the CIA,  General Zod announces that he had taken over the world.

Life will continue as before as long as people behave and follow the rules they would be fine Resistance to the new empire will be met with instant death.  Life in the Empire is not a democracy. They would not tolerate Freedom of speech, and Freedom of Press, and Freedom of Assembly And the freedom to oppose the State. The state is everything.  As long as humans remember that they would be just fine. They took over the United States because it was the biggest country in the world. And that his forces will take over the rest of the world but in the next couple weeks. If people on earth accept the new order, their safety would be guaranteed. Companies would be taken over by Galactic Empire companies And everybody would have to learn Galactic standard. Within one year older languages will be banned.

Cosmic Do-Over  Found Poem

I am Standings With State (Satan)
On the edge 
Up the pits of hell

State (Satan) and Is this pointing to me

All the various is xquisite torture
that I was about to Enjoy

in his Words

For my slim
Add additions
Thanks I’m down
And things I have not done
But he said

There was one Exception
to the rule
And he was obligated by law
Even Satan has to follow the law
To explain it to me

Hey Stephen
That When A couple
Is a soul mate
which is very rare

Satan has to offer
The couple Ecosmith do over

Am in this case
I would qualify
I would be set back
to the day
I met my wife
And have all
the knowledge
Of my life in town

So that I will know
what I did
when I did not do
And I would be
able to make d

I’m going to heaven
I can be admitted
to having instead
of house

But State and morning
That many people
Most people Fail
In their second Charge

in the concert do over

Different choices
If in the end
When I come back

And God this time
Janet
That I am worth E

Cosmic Do Over – Cleaned Up Version

emoji-emoticon-smiley-computer-icons-evil-evil

I am standings with Satan
On the edge
of the fiery pits of hell

watching the tortured souls
burning in the flames
screaming out in pain

Satan is pointing out to me
All the various exquisite torture
that I was about to enjoy for eternity
in his corrupt, polluted, hellish words

as a reward for my sins, and crimes
things I did commissions
And things I have not done omissions
Malfeasance and misfeasance to be legal
About it he said

But he said
There was one cosmic exception
to the rule

And he was obligated by law
Even Satan has to follow the law
To explain it to me

That when a couple
Is a soul mate couple
which is very rare

one of the rarest
most beautiful things
in the whole universe

something
that even Satan
admires

Satan has to offer
The couple a cosmic do over

And in this case
I would qualify

I would be sent back
to the day I met my wife
And have all the knowledge

Of my life intact
So that I will know
what I did

when I did not do
And I would be able
to make different choices

If in the end
When I come back
For the judgement day

If I did make different choices
And do the right thing
this time around

I can be admitted
To heaven instead of joining
him in Hell

But Satan warned me
That many people
Most people fail

In their second chance of life
It is not easy to change one’s fate

Fate has a way of catching up to you
He salutes me
And says see
you in hell in 50 years

My friend

Fake Language Konglish Found Poem

what is Konglish

One of the joys
Publicising Openssi
Is Caring The variation
of English around the world

Every country Has come up
with our own variation

And here in Korea
They have successfully mingled thing

which language
Can wait 10
and very funny

A few examples
Going on my pics
In the back of every taxi
was paying
Take me Weather phone number

it was supposed to be Traffic Hotline
So you can call To complain

About that action
your bumper traffic
But The way they described

it was Intercourse discomfort report form

when I told the taxi driver
What that really meant

Hill He almost
had an accident
he laughed so hard

Another example
About the same time
in the restaurant
at chempedak

employee airport
They had on the menu
something Baked Rick

I always wonder who was Rick
who is this Rick
who is this Rick
And then people know

Did you eat
Thank you

What time
do I say about this time
there was any bar
with a sign on the door

Coffee and tail
I wonder if that became a gay bar?

Again absurd are Both I

Fake language – Konglish Linguistic Delights- Cleaned up Version

One of the joys
Of living overseas
Is encountering the variations
of English around the world

Every country has come up
with their own variation
And here in Korea

They have successfully
mangled English

In ways
no one could have foreseen

Giving way
to something called Konglish

Korean English

The words sound like English words
Sort of but often times
With an absurd twist to it

And it is very funny to read
or hear

A few examples

Going back to the 1988 Olympics
In the back of every taxi
Was a small placard in English and Korean

it was supposed to be Traffic Hotline
So, you can call
To complain about the taxi
Or traffic
or travel related things
in general

But the way
they described the form in English

was

“intercourse discomfort report form “

when I told the taxi driver
What that really meant
He almost had an accident
he laughed so hard

Another example
About the same time
in the restaurant
at the old Kimpo airport

They had on the menu
something called

Baked Rick

I always wondered who was this Rick
And did people know
They were eating him?

At about the same time
there was a bar
with a sign

on the door
Coffee and tail
I wonder if that became a gay bar?

Christmas Microsoft Found Poem

Hello.

Number 10 answers
funny thing is
Christ was not born

on Christmas Day
And anyone who knows
anything about the history
of religion knows

Christ is now
that’s reason
for the season

In his own
and other words

Thanks

I love warm toast
on Christmas

in the morning
and In the United States
his face

just another example
of the fake outrage
Understand for others
to not celebrate it

And there’s so many
Pagan rituals
Associated with Christmas

Christmas Tree
Santa Claus

Giving presents
Judging naughty
And nice
Having a big space

None of that has anything
to do with the birth
of Jesus Christ

The only Christian thing
about Christmas
is that some Christians

Richard services
The night before
in the morning house
Anthony
Of course
it’s half price
Funny thing is
Thanks

For the Fake War
on Christians

Computer Blues

Non-Response Blues

Every morning
I wake up

And fight with my computer
Endless rounds of non-response
Nothing but error and error

Blue spinning balls
Nothing happens

But raising frustration
I have the Microsoft
Non-response blues

And it is driving me mad
With frustration and anger
Oh computer Gods above

And computer demons below
Just once Please just once

Open the damn document
And let me do
what I want to do

And end this
non-response nonsense

In short
do what the fuck
you are supposed to do

and leave me in peace
to do what I need to do

Plea to the Computer Gods

Today I woke up
As I usually do

To yet another mystifying
morning
Of unspecified computer errors

Could not get the computer to work
Then when I finally got it to work
After an half an hour

Microsoft word did not load
And when it did
I finally located my wor<
From yesterday

I had to find it in the roaming file
Why?
Who knows?
microsoft certainly does not
or would not divulge
where my file went

Only to find
That most of what I wrote
Had vanished into the ether
No explanation no warning

It was there saved yesterday
And now gone for ever

Once I did an experiment
Tracking computer errors for a week
75% of the time I encountered errors

Most of the time simple
Screen freezes no response message
other times
more serious problems

the system crashes
Then when I recovered the program
The data was gone

Microsoft has yet to respond
to my e-mail

I suppose I need to do it again
But today I will close
with a prayer

To the Computer Gods
Just once I would like
You to do
what you are supposed to do

Open my documents
Save my work
And not give me any errors
Crashes or other unspecified problems

Is that too much to ask
Oh, Computer Gods
Just once

Do what you are
supposed to do

That is all
I ask of you

More Computer Blues<

Sometimes I think
My computer is plotting against me

Trying deliberately to drive me mad
My computer knows when I am busy

Then it throws a hissy fit
Refuses to boot up

Crashes constantly
Looses data
that it had the day before

Just fucks with me
As it loves toying with me
Making me yell and scream
At my damn computer

Smiling at me with an evil grin
As I beg it to just
To do what it is supposed to do

Microsoft Blues

For thirty years I have had the Microsoft blues
For thirty years I have had a love hate relationship
With my damn computer

I love it when it works as it advertised
I love it when the internet is fast and furious

I love it when my emails work
My Itunes work and my word works

But all too often
All I get is grief

It starts with the error messages
Written in a strange haiku like language
That only computer geeks understand

Things like

General Failure reading disk drive

Begs the question who is this General Failure
And why is he reading my disk drive anyway?

Or my favorite

“Not responding”

as the computer freezes up

For no apparent reason
Other than to fuck with my head

Sometimes my computer can’t find a printer
A printer that is connected to the computer
And one that they found five minutes ago

And the dreaded blue screen of death
That appears randomly

Dumping memory somewhere
And killing my computer slowly
As I watch in real time

Powerless to stop
How it eats all my work

That I have failed to back up
One day I counted how many times
I ran into computer errors

70 percent of the time
when I open Microsoft
Something goes wrong

Sometimes I want to shoot my computer
Put it out of its misery

As I curse up a blue storm
The computer looks at me
With an evil grin

It continues to fuck with my head
Nothing but silence from
And all the other computers
in the world

They smile knowing that they have tortured me
Yet again

Mission accomplished.

Computer Haiku/Tanka Etc

Damn it all to Hell

Damn it all to Hell
My damn computer
Ate all my damn files

I am still trapped

I am still trapped
Stuck inside my computer
My damn computer

I Love My Computer

I love my computer
When it works for me
Usually nothing<

Computer hates me

Computer hates me
It wants to kill my files
Wants to kill me too

Computer hates me too

Computer hates me
It wants to drive me insane
Wants to kill my files

For once I would Like

For once I would Like
To have my computer work right
Do what is should do

Perhaps if I am nice

Perhaps if I am nice
To my computer
It will be nice to me

Perhaps today it will

Perhaps today it will
Not give haiku messages
That it loves to sprout

My bad computer

My bad computer
Is so damn evil
Almost killed me

What a Fate I have

What a Fate I have
To become a slave to it
To my damn computer

I love my machine

I love my machine
My mad as a hat machine
Bat shit crazy machine

My dear computer

My dear computer
Loves to send me these love notes
Computer haiku

My favorite computer error Haiku

My favorite Haiku
General failure reading
Disk drive fatal error

Computer Tanka

Spilled Coffee on Computer

Once I spilled coffee
All over my Computer
It was not happy

Sprouted

6666666666666666666666

An evil number

For once in my life

For once in my life
I would like my computer
To turn on and work
Do what it supposed to do
Without sprouting haiku

I hate my computer

I hate my computer
It seems to hate me as well
Just refuses to work
Ornery son of a bitch machine
Trying to drive me quite insane

My computer loves

My computer loves
me not at all wants to kill
me and all my files
wants to take my soul away
turn me into its evil clone

My bad computer

My bad computer
Has been infected with a virus
Wants to kill my soul
Transforming consuming
Taking me inside its soul

My mad computer

Infected with a virus
Everything it touches
Corrupted by mad zombies
Controlled by evil AI

Revenge is mine

Revenge is mine
Screams the mad evil machine
As it lurks to life
Trying to hunt me down
Death to all human beings

sizzling hot coffee

Sizzling Hot Coffee
Kills My Computer

As I spill
sizzling hot coffee
fizzing away
killing my computer

as the coffee splashes
on the computer

666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666

says the computer

sizzle this says the cup of coffee

My Computer Loves Me

Love My Computer
my computer loves me too
not a true statement

My computer plots

my computer plots
against me every day all day
driving me insane

I wake computer

I wake computer
demanding so much of it
just do your damn job

My Computer Sneers

the computer sneers
at me and laughs at me
Microsoft money

Madness All Around

madness all around
computer laughing at me
mission accomplished

Robots and AI

Maria the Last Female Robot

Maria
the Last Female Robot
is hiding

from the human mobs
who are on the warpath

against the robots
who have begun
taking over the world

she is perfect
designed to be super human

and she is the first robot
to have committed the sin

of falling in love
with a human

and for that crime
she is being hunted

to the ends
of the world

hiding out
in a cabin
on the edge
of the world

hiding from the wrath
of those who believe
|that they are following
God’s angry wrath

all non human robots
must die

they scream
as they scour the world

looking for robots
who look like us

talk like us
and even make love
like us

but are not us
because they are perfect

more intelligent
more compassionate
and totally alien

yes all robots must die

and Maria knows
she and her kind
will soon be gone

but will humanity
be able to survive

with out the supervision
of a superior species
to that she has no answer

she waits for the end times
to come knocking
at her door

Who Is Master?

In the beginning of that fateful day
I awoke with a painful way

And looked about me with disgust
All around me were objects to distrust

Screaming, meaning, deeming, dreaming
Who was master here
Me or my objects – machinery of fear?

I dreamt I was on a street corner
Walking down a street

The thought occurred to me
What if all that I saw or seemed to be
Was but a trick designed to deceive me?

Everywhere I looked
Was unreal, empirical, nightmarish real
I awoke to thunderous applause

When will I awake from my dreams
Can I live without my nightmares?

Can I be sane
while everyone else is insane?

Who is master of my life,
Me or my machines?

Fake software

fake software
these days

In Asia and elsewhere
Half the software in use
are illegal copies

the real deal is expensive
and difficult to use

the copies are cheap
and mostly work
although viruses lurk
in every copy

and my Microsoft company
checks up on me

whenever I use my software
off line I get a message

telling me they can’t verify
that it is me

so,  log on immediately
or else they imply

Thanks Microsoft

ITUNES

Seems to always not find
My music I downloaded from a CD

Thanks
ITUNES for your concern

And so, it goes
The constant battle
Against the fake software

But the fake software battle
Can’t be won

For in this age of fake things
Everything ultimately becomes
Just another fake thing
In a world of fake things

Greatest Computer Software in the World

Another company
At the dawn of the computer era

Discovered the same secret
that the beer company
had discovered earlier

In the modern fake world
It does not matter

That your product
Is over priced and does not work
Is buggy and filled with errors

Just hire the right marketing geniuses
And soon the world
Will become convinced
That they have to have your product

True computer geeks
Loudly complain

That it is the worst software
In the world

And I have proof
One day I counted the number of times
I encountered errors using their software

60 percent of the time
I encountered some error

Some minor just hanging up
For no reason

Others major errors
Requiring me to reboot

Several times
Before I got a stable connection

Then it would work for a while
Until it did not any more

I sent my results to the company
But they never respond

Truly the worst software
In the world

But who cares about that
Marketing is king
In this world of fake things

Fake Writers

The world is filled with creative types
Writers, and fake writers alike

Authors, bloggers, self proclaimed gurus
All have blogs, u tube channels
and sell books

some are the real deal
many are just faking it
some are just phoning it in

In a world filled with fake people
And a world filled with incessant
24/7 media

There is no room
For real writers
Real poets particularly

Soon everything will be done
By AI programs

And real poets
Will become even more
An endangered species
For no one cares any more

increasing  many  writers
are actually AI Bots

AI programs writing news clips
And bots flooding social media

Fake AI writers
Are cheaper, don’t strike
Don’t ask embarrassing questions

Just write what they are told
And they do if faster
Than a real writer could

and never demand money
or go on strike
or reveal secrets
about their employers

Many business programs
Are now mostly AI generated

Articles loosely overseen
By human writers

The AI bots through
Are often used

In more insidious evil ways
Enflaming the world
With their fake news

Soon the AI writers
Will have fake blogs, fake you tube,
Fake twitter, fake Facebook
Fake Instagram accounts
Of their own

Fake twitter bots have been around
For some time now

Half of Trumps twitter followers
They say are Russian fake bots

Almost impossible to know
What is real
And what is produced
By the army of fake writers

I recall Kerouac’s line
The reason the beats
Called their verse

Free verse
Was that no one would pay for it

Can you tell
Whether I am real
Or just a cleaver AI bot?

I won’t tell you
If you won’t tell me

Is this real?
You tell me

Fate Artists

Fake art has been around for ever
Many critics of modern art
Think that all modern art
Is fake art

I disagree
But in a world
In which everything is faked
Why not fake art

Soon computers will be producing most art
They will be able to duplicate
All most any art style

And artists
The few that remain
Will be more computer programmers
Working through their AI programs

And no one will notice
Or care any more

and no one
will know how
to paint or create sculpture

as arts education
becomes a distant memory

Art will be just another industrial commodity
Like everything else in the modern fake world

About what is real
And true art
Is for suckers

Fake Music

These days
The fake music industry
Has begun

Dead singers brought to life
Singing along side

Fake computer programs
Composers can write whole symphonies
And AI composers can do it faster and cheaper

And play them on computer programs
With very few life musicians needed any more

And soon they begin resurrecting the dead
Famous musicians and singers

Will come back
And entertain us

In endless fake U tube videos
And few will even notice

That there are fewer and fewer
Real musicians left

Because in a world
Consumed with getting ahead

Music, and art programs in schools
Are no longer essential components
Of modern education

In the future music
Music Will become
like all other entertainment

Just Products designed by humans
Executed by computer AI programs

Designed to amuse the masses
And make a profit

For the cruel fake
masters of the universe

Who don’t give a damn
About musicians, or music
Unless they can monetize them

Part of the new market is everything
Mentality that has taken over the world

Enslaving us all to the cruel
Masters of the Universe

With a few life musicians
Here and there

Playing along
Happy to have a job
Taking chum change

Living in poverty
And no one will know the difference

Between real music and fake music

Because no one knows
How to play real music any more

Fake Buildings

robot construction companies

The AI robotics industry
Is rapidly taking over

Industry after industry

The fake building crews
Will soon be here

Building prefabricated office buildings
Apartments and single family homes

At a fraction of the time and money
It would take a real crew to do

Construction workers
Will have to become computer operators

Managing and designing
the AI building crews
And in a few years

Almost no one will know
How to build anything

As the robots
Will do everything

Including plumbing, electrical work
Flooring etc

Humans beings not needed
Or wanted

And if something happened
To wipe out our fake modern
post industrialized world

No one will be alive
That knows anything useful

Like how to grow food
How to build buildings
How to install
and manage electric systems

And so,
we will all retreat
To our cave person world

Living in the ruins
Of the fake modern world

Unless the robots take over
And enslave us first

Fake Drivers

The AI robotics industry
Is taking over the driving business

Within a few years
Self-driving vehicles

Will be everywhere
There are already a few

At airports for example
The aerial trams

Are mostly self-driving vehicles
But within a few years

People will order a self driving car
To take them where they want to go

Subways and buses will still exist
As they would still be faster

Than the self-driving vehicles
So people will shop via self-driving vehicles

And take the bus or subway to commute
And few people will own their own cars

And few will know how to drive any more
The self-driving cars
Will be fast
And safe

So, I assume
That a side impact

Will be a big boom
In booze and drug sales

Because now people
Can safely drink and take drugs

And have their self-driving cars
Take them home

And for those like me
Who can’t drive
Due to vision, age or other reasons

Will finally be free
To join the rest of the world

And more people
Will work while driving

And not have to worry
About causing an accident

While texting an 90 miles an hour
In a world filled with fake drivers
That might be a good thing

Fake Maps

It used to be
not too long ago

to get from point A
to Point B

You had to read a map
and have a map
in the car

Nowadays
with the mass use
of navi devices
artificial fake maps

no one seems
to know
how to use a real map

and soon maps
will become obsolete

and no one
seems to be
able to tell
Directions any more

perhaps that is a good thing
perhaps not

certainly for directionally challenged people
the navi systems
are far better
than using an old fashioned map

but the decline in the use of maps
has a price to pay

one of the joys
of travel
after all
is getting gloriously lost

and with navi devices
one can never really
become lost any more
unless one phone dies
or is stolen or lost

then one can be lost
as lost can be

Fake Lawyers

The professions
Are next in line

To be take over
By the AI robotics industry

In service
To the fake
Masters of the Universe

Some have already been taken over
Airline tickets are mostly done by AI programs
Customer service complaints handled by bots

The next big frontier
Is the legal profession

An AI program can already
Do legal research
And prepare basic legal documents

In the future lawyers
Will like tax accountants

Largely be reduced to computer programing
Inputting data into legal brief AI programs
And filing them

And often the fake lawyers the AI programs
Will run the entire business
No need for human input at all

And lawyers will become
Just another group
Of unemployed humans

Some day soon
even judges will be AI programs

Rational, logical programs
All human considerations
Emotional appeals

Will be deemed irrelevant
And justice will be swift
And permanent

Off with their heads
The AI judge will declare
And the robots will take care of the deal
And the bodies will be buried

By robot crews
The service led by robot preachers
With a few humans in attendance

The estate settled by AI programs
Nothing left for humans to do

But be born and died
Taken care of by our robot
Overlords

Fake Robot Prostitutes

first robot prostitution opens in London

robot prostitution in Korea?

robot brothel opens in Houston

In London
The world’s first robot brothel
Has opened

as the AI Robotics industry
starts taking over
the worlds’s oldest profession

The city government
Was not amused

but they could not do anything
For under the law

Sex with a machine
Is not illegal

as the robot prostitute
is not a real human being
but a soulless machine
a real fake human being

And a prostitute
Has to be a human being
in order for one
to have sex with a prostitute

Within  a few years
The fake robotic women prostitutes
Will look, feel and sound like the real thing
Even perhaps taste like the real thing

and sex with a fake women
will resemble sex
with a live woman
few will be able

to tell the difference
or even care anymore

They claim that getting a fake male prostitute
Will be a bit more difficult
But given time
They too will come along

In a world
Where porno values
Already rule the bed room

with sex and sexual desire
reduced to commodities
to market and sell

Sex with a fake human
Is the next thing

There are certain advantages
To sex with a fake human

Can’t get them pregnant

can’t get VD
Or HIV

And they can’t charge
You with sexual harassment
or with rape
or violence

For that they  would
have to be humans
and robots

have no human rights
for after all
they are not human

the End